After
by JuneJulySeptember
Summary: "I don't want to be a monster." After Starkiller Base there was loss, confliction and pain. After Crait, all that now mingles with the unfamiliar taste of freedom. A character driven story. TLJ spoilers. Reylo
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wanted to take a look at how these two damaged people would recover from the events in TLJ aaaaand that movie also awakened in me a serious Reylo fanatic :) So, though I want this story to mainly focus on character development, it's definitely gonna be heavy on the romance.

Let me know what you think!

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After Starkiller Base there was loss, confliction and pain. It was the same after Crait, there was no solace, then or now. He had failed. In two of the most pivotal moments of his life, he had failed.

Kylo Ren watched in catatonic disinterest as the First Order pieced itself back together, constructing new ships to replace the hundreds lost in the last few days, forcefully recruiting new troupes and seizing new assets to fund it all.

As if any of their efforts mattered. The First Order was doomed, regardless of their industrious labor and the resistance sabotage. It was an empire built on the vanity of one Sith.

And with him gone, what was the fate of the galaxy?

Snoke had been a conniving, caustic and ineffective dictator... and Kylo Ren had no interest in continuing where he left off.

So then... what came next?

This was the deceptively simple question that had been plaguing him for days. Indecision was his constant companion. Without Snokes incessant, directional whispers in his mind, nothing seemed straightforward or simple. An angry chaos reigned, thoughts bouncing from one scenario to another, one possible future to another, making him more dizzy and disturbed than he could ever remember being.

But… Kylo could also never remember the Force being so clear and easy to access. It was a calm lake, a soothing pool he could submerge himself in and escape all his worldly dilemmas. There was no end to it and Kylo was beginning to realize the considerable extent Snoke had been limiting and manipulating his access to the Force.

And overlaying it all… a strange powerful tug in the flow of energy, a current he struggled to understand as he allowed himself to be pulled along. Straight to her.


	2. Chapter 2

There she was again, talking intimately with someone he couldn't see. She looked as radiant as he was exhausted, yet another example of their opposition. After the last few days of meticulous and uninhibited soul-searching he had reached precisely zero conclusions, contentment or understanding of any kind.

Yet here _she_ sits, carefree and unhindered by what should have been the shattering losses of her Master and most of her friends. Not to mention, the long overdue recognition of her miserable parentage.

His breathing was more forceful than entirely necessary as she finally glanced up at him, her eyes demanding his patience.

"Mhhmm" She nodded enthusiastically at whoever her conversation partner was. "Sorry to interrupt but could you excuse me for a minute? I'll be right back!"

She really didn't give them an opportunity to respond, or if they did he couldn't hear it, turning and heading quickly towards the nearest exit.

Once in private, she turned and stared with unabashed frustration into his eyes. He simple observed her, tasting the flavor of her emotions as a predator sniffs the air for indications of its prey.

They stayed like that for a long moment.

The first few times this had happened after Crait were… strained. At first, she'd adamantly refused to converse with him, the barely restrained anger clearly written in her face and posture. The connection had faded quickly.

Later instances were more… enlightening.

 _"Why is this still happening?" Her eyes were questioning and cold and so different from the soft, caring looks he'd been briefly graced with._

 _"I don't know," He said simply, shrugging, as though he hadn't given the question hours of meditated contemplation. She grit her teeth and looked away, clearly frustrated. A smirk turned his lips at how easy it was to read her every reaction, each emotion flitting across her face as quick and bright as stars out the window of his cruiser._

 _"He's gone but the bridge remains…" she mused aloud, "Does that mean the connection is ours to control now?" She looked up searching his eyes for answers._

 _Blinking, Kylo carefully maintained a blank countenance. Her instincts were remarkably astute for someone completely unversed in Jedi lore... "Possibly."_

 _Her eyes narrowed, suspicion warring with curiosity on her face "So that means we could break it… if we wanted?" She asked, pushing for more._

 _An unexpected stab of fear manifested in his chest at the idea of losing… whatever this is._

 _Stamping down on the unwanted emotion, he coldly responds "Yes we could. But you don't really want that, do you Rey?" He goes on the offensive, stepping closer, his height adding intimidation to his voice. Her eyes widen predictably in response, confirming his suspicions._

 _"You still want to save me." Instead of the taunting tone he was going for, Kylo's voice is strained, maybe even a little sad, as his dark eyes search her face. A face which has abruptly drained of hostility._

 _"I don't know if that's possible…" Guilt and sadness emanate from her, eyes darting away. Before he can insist that she shouldn't try, her expressive eyes jump back up to his, a familiar determination flowering._

 _"But that doesn't mean I'm giving up" Her eyes flash, staunch conviction emanating from her very soul. "Whatever else you may be, you're not alone anymore."_

It had only been a day since that particular conversation and it was obvious she was emotionally strained and not particularly disposed for another interruption. He could see the initial struggle as she inhaled and schooled her features somewhat. Good. She had interrupted him last time.

His resentment receded slightly as she shifted closer to him in what he assumed by her movements was a cramped space. Standing this close, there was an unspoken desire for civility between them, a tenuous truce.

"What were you discussing?" He questioned casually, attempting to keep the conversation light while observing the flavor of her emotions through the Force.

"You." She responds with unexpected candor "I've told Leia about our connection. She thinks it's dangerous to maintain it."

Freezing for a moment, Kylo recognized that he was both relieved and terrified that his mother is alive and giving council to Rey. After his men had taken out the Resistance main bridge, the young Sith had subconsciously closed off any part of himself that would have felt the loss when she passed. Therefore, he had not known she'd survived.

Rey watched him with a weary expression and he surprised himself when he choked out, "Maybe she's right." Kylo certainly had no intention of aiding the Resistance, so this connection was best forgotten.

It seemed her empathy outweighed her self-preservation instincts because she stepped closer to him, lowering her voice in earnest intimacy, just as she'd done on the elevator.

"I don't care. There's something here, a bond between us." She gestured in the limited space, almost brushing his chest. "It would be irresponsible to throw away something that we can both learn from."

Dismissing the flood of reassurance he felt that she also appreciated and intended to maintain their bond, Kylo carefully closed his face. Hope was a dangerous indulgence.

"You know what I want," Kylo asserted, firmly regaining his callous baring. "You refused me. So what now?" He sneered down at her. "We keep the bond and you sit idly by, spiritually chatting with me, while I restore the empire to its former glory?" His mocking tone does nothing to inhibit the now familiar glint of resolve in her eye.

"But that's the thing! I don't think _you_ know what you want." She actually poked him in the chest. He would have found her ridiculously naive if her words didn't ring so painfully true. "You just made a pivotal decision and now you have no one to tell you what's right or wrong. You've had everything stripped away."

"And I suppose you know exactly what that feels like" he spit out, seething, vainly attempting to stifle the emotion threatening to spill out and exercising all of his limited control on not choking her to death.

Irrationally, she reached for him, placing a hand on his hammering heart, "If anyone knows what it's like to feel lost, it's me." Gentle, entreating brown eyes losing their potency in the face of the storm raging in his mind.

She shouldn't be able to affect him like this! Overwhelming anger crashes threw their connection, shattering it, leaving him grasping at an empty space, angry and lost.

The warmth her hand had left on his chest the only evidence of a new, possible future.

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First real chapter! Short but here it is. I'd love to get your feedback on it, what do you guys want to see in the coming chapters?


	3. Chapter 3

**The beginning of t** his chapter received a quick edit (since it was awful) 12-31-2017

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 **Dreadnot Bridge, First Order Flagship.**

"Sir, the acquisitions manifest." Trooper LK 338 handed him the most recent inventory on the First Orders supply ship. According to it, all his orders had been carried out with the same systematic smoothness as the previous Supreme Leader, which was something. That title would have to be done away with though, pretentiously overbearing. Drastic changes were about to take place, as soon as he located the current Resistance hideout.

 _Light, accusatory brown eyes. How one being could be filled with such absolute_ _certainty was..._

Of course, concentration would be easier if he didn't have incessant interruptions from his increasingly unreliable mind. Indecision was something Kylo had always struggled with, accept now it was ten times worse. The almost constant presence of someone as annoyingly perfect as Rey was a relentless source of temptation and confliction.

 _Never flinching from her path. The girl knew nothing, she'd seen nothing._

Yet the idea of working with her was as rage inducing as it was attractive. He could let her try to save him, utilize her compasion to lead him to the last of the resistance and finish them off. Or he could attempt to turn her again, despite the fact that she'd so naively rejected his offer the last time.

 _She thinks she can help without being corrupted. I'll break her and start over._

"Sir, the general would like to speak to you." LK 338 hadn't left already, and the little fear Kylo could sense from him was being effectively suppressed. Impressive.

"Hux can send the desired information to my quarters " Kylo said carelessly. Now that he had the luxury, Kylo preferred to interact with Hux as little as possible.

LK 338 hesitated, no doubt wary of insulting either of his superior officers, but ultimately acquiesced to the Supreme Leader, "Of course, Sir." He nodded and strode away as Kylo absentmindedly observed that if the trooper maintained that kind of intelligent doggedness he would make an excellent candidate for Kylo's inner circle.

 _She had a similar quality… no real fear anymore… she probably would have primly commented on his callus behavior._

Sighing out a gust of air, Kylo tried to focus on some more technical issues, like how little his men knew about the newest Resistance location. Nothing. That was exactly how much he knew about their present location. The First Order had so few members of actual grit, LK 338's were few and far between. It would be considerably more difficult but maybe he should just kill them all and start completely from scratch.

 _She would hate that. Despite the fact that she fights against them... Their extermination would only drive her further away from him._

And thus Kylo's mind went around and around in endless debate, always involving that Goddamn girl. He had let her get the better of him last time, but at their next encounter, they would be on even footing. He was determined.

* * *

 **Baskarn, Outer Rim**

Rey dodged another razor sharp leaf, as she followed the distinct path made by several large green-furred Yrashu. The Resistance had been on the strange jungle planet Baskarn since the events on Crait.

" _Where are we going?" Rey asked Leia on the bridge of the falcon. Poe, Finn and her had all been waiting expectantly for Leia to make her decision._

 _"To Baskarn. The Yrashu there are a force sensitive race and sympathetic to the Resistance." General Leia hesitated slightly gazing at the holo-image of the jungle planet, eyes mingling sadness and regret. "We've never involved them in the fighting before. After they fought against the Galactic Empire…" She glanced up at the three youngsters, "There are very few of them left. We must be careful not to put them in further danger. Once we get there, we'll stay and regroup for awhile." Leia was back in 'General mode', giving firm orders. "There'll be no leaving and only necessary, encrypted massages sent to allies around the outer rim." She was looking at Poe with a critical eye when she said this and he grinned sheepishly._

 _"I get it, I get it. No flying." His charming smile was infectious as he raised his hands disarmingly. Leia smirked and Finn and Rey found themselves grinning at each other as the Falcon jumped to hyperspace._

"Shhh." The green, sapient being squatted down eyes alert, scanning the jungle. Rey could hear the swoosh of Baskarn's distinctive Razor Trees, the chirping of an insect, but this environment was entirely unknown to her, so she closed her eyes, reaching out with her senses. She could feel the other Yrashu as they also to probed their surroundings through the force. Positioned directly behind the leader, Morro, Rey was pleasantly surprised that she could follow the thread of his mind. He gently nudged her in the right direction.

"There," They both said quietly, simultaneously, before grinning at each other and dashing into the woods. Morro's huge body lithely danced in and out of the deadly sharp Razor branches as Rey fumbled, only able to follow by intense focus on her surroundings through the Force.

They were hunting, a dangerous endeavor for humans on this planet. Their quarry moved up into the trees and so did the Yrashu. Rey halted, growling in frustration. There was no way she could climb into that thing, her skin just wouldn't be able to handle it. Glancing quickly in the direction they were going, Rey followed on the ground at a sprint.

Dashing through the less dangerous lower foliage, Rey glanced up into the massive trees, catching a glimpse of the chase above. Spurring her pace further, Rey's lungs began to burn.

Then she started laughing.

Sand absorbs momentum and takes a significantly higher energy output to run on than a flat, stable surface. Rey had never been able to run this fast before.

Feeling exhilarated, she pushed impossibly faster and managed to get ahead of their quarry. Hefting her spear, Rey slowed, feeling more than seeing the large carnivorous feline barrel through the trees above. It was panicked.

Rey lurched, realizing with a mixture of trepidation and amazement that she could not only sense the animal's presence but also experience what it was feeling.

Then, just as startling, Rey felt the now familiar tugging in the swirl of the Force and the black robed figure of Ben Solo materialized just to her right.

Rey gasped. The surge of energy was enormous! Her weapon fell to the side as she looked up into his ambiguous expression. Completely submerged in the flow of the Force as she'd been, their spiritual bond took on a vitality and dynamic shape. To Rey, it felt as though a hyperspace tunnel had just connected two suns.

Ben's dark eyes were searching, inquisitive, as she struggled for air.

Their eye contact only broke when Rey's former prey fell to the ground thrashing and the Yrashu descended.

She glanced back at him giving a slight shake of her head, making it clear now was not a good time.

An emotion she couldn't identify flitted across his face before he nodded calmly and stepped back a little. Apparently content to observe.

Skillfully avoiding the deadly leaves, Morro pounced, efficiently finishing off the unfortunate creature with a swift cut to the throat.

Some of the Yrashu, including Morro, gave her toothy grins as they approached, making an odd kind of salute with their hands. An affable gesture Rey had seen the Yrashu present to their own kind but not to her.

Fear was threatening to overwhelm her composure at the idea of Ben seeing any of this. _What if he somehow learned where she was_?

"Well done." Morro's voice was slow, deep and not the slightest bit labored as he shuffled over to her using both hands and feet. "You're efforts helped slow the Eata down." He touched his shoulder then moved his hand down palm up in the same deferential gesture.

The moment was both solemn and friendly, as several Yrashu gathered up the carcass, and despite the stressful circumstance Rey found herself smiling. A gratified swell filling her chest at the genuine praise, "Thank you, I'm glad to help."

Morro grinned again as the party began skillfully maneuvering their massive kill through the Razor trees, making slow but steady progress towards home.

Rey cautiously eyed Ben as she fell to the back of the column. He seemed calmer than usual, face blank, hands loose. It made her think about their last conversation. How angry and bitter he'd been. Not so now. Perhaps, this time, they could have a non-volatile conversation. Perhaps… she could even help ease the obvious, festering wound in his soul.

"I wont be alone for a while." She furtively murmured to him. He just stared at her, deep eyes probing yet unrevealing.

Rey almost growled, her brows furrowing. She had a galling number of questions and she couldn't read anything from his careful expression. Was he planning on keeping their connection? Using it? Would he be willing to negotiate with the Resistance? Just her? Did this clam mean he had reach some sort of decisions about the First Order? And how was she supposed to learn anything if he kept himself so closed off?

Almost subconsciously, she reached out to him though the Force. Maybe she could feel what he was feeling, just like with the Eata.

 _Loss. Pain. Uncertainty. Fear. Rage. Loss. Emptiness._ All swirled within him, scrabbling for dominance.

 _"_ Auh!" They both gasped and took a step back as Ben snapped a wall back in place around his mind. He glared at her, emotions now quite easy to ready, and Rey found an obviously angry Ben was far less unsettling than a quiet one. Whatever act he'd been trying to portray was now shed and Rey could see the maelstrom of emotions wreaking havoc in his head. She wanted to reach for him, say his name but she knew he'd react with antagonism and belligerent refusal if he thought there was any pity in her sentiment.

But she knew she could help calm the disruptive storm in his head.

Again, she reached for him through the Force. He reacted just as she'd anticipated, violently shoving her away. Rather than fighting for ground, Rey instead welcomed him into her own mind, desperately focusing on all the good and peaceful things she knew to exist in the galaxy, the things she fought for.

The effect was instantaneous and powerful. Ben's eyes widened and tension drained out of his body in a rushing deluge, she could feel as it fell away into the great swirling pool of the Force.

Rey's elation was brief, however, as a stony expression took over Ben's face. He backed away, sealing his mind once again, "No."

The word was adamant but surprisingly composed.

"No. No, I wont have someone _feeding_ their agenda into my mind ever again." For the first time, Rey saw resolve in his eyes, not anger or confliction.

"You want to help me? Good, I want your help too. I want to work together." Ben stepped closer with a serious, determined air. "But not with you trying to manipulate me to align with your ideals." His dark eyes probed hers "We'll work together." Ben emphasized this again and Rey understood. They'd have to find a way to compromise.

Rey nodded her head slowly, "Alright"

Ben stepped back, appearing satisfied but still assessing her with dark roaming eyes.

Rey thoughtfully considered his genuinely calm visage. "B-"

"Rey…?"

Morro's quizzical voice shattered the moment causing Rey to snap her head towards him and back at Ben. Stepping away, she glanced at Morro calling, "coming" before swiveling back to Ben, making sure he recognized that she had to go. He seemed resigned, making no move to follow as she hastened to catch up with the group. Instead, his impassive eyes follow her until the forest cloaks his dark imposing form in shadow and the connection breaks off just as sharply as it had formed.

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AN: For this chapter I gathered some information about the expanded Star Wars Universe from wiki/Baskarn

Hope you guys like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Personally, I'm in love with this chapter because I got to explore some truly wonderful characters from the Star Wars franchise. Let me know what you think!

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 **Yrashu Village, Baskarn**

"No, like this," Rose helpfully adjusted Finn's braiding technique. In the last few days, it seemed Finn had become an expert at occupying himself. Every time Rey came back to base he was doing something different: smiling at her, elbows deep in Eata, preparing the nights meal, analyzing old empyreal tech or… braiding plants?

"What are you guys doing?" Rey asked squatting down next to them.

"Oh! ahh…" The two woman head spoken briefly a few times but Rose still seemed flustered around her.

"Rey!" Finn smiled amiably "We're weaving more grass mats together for shelters. Soon we'll be able to get out of Tahna's way in the communal huts," Finn winked conspiratorially at one of the matriarchs of the village, a kind, handsome female who lead with genial ease.

Currently, Tahna was braiding nearby at an awe-inspiring pace but still reached out fondly to rustle Finn's hair with one of her dexterous green feet.

At first, Finn looked stupefied that not only was Tahna physically capable of reaching him with her foot but also that the gesture was affectionate. The absurdity of his facial expression caused both human women to burst out laughing, as his surprise turned into a beaming smile.

The joyful atmosphere, that seemed so prevalent in this society, appeared to relax Rose who was unabashedly making eye contact and laughing with both Ray and Finn. Rey, for her part, had been smiling so much lately that her cheeks constantly hurt. Here with the Force-sensative Yrashu in addition to her budding friendships among the Resistance, Rey was experiencing in an unexpected sense of belonging and community on this remote jungle planet.

"So Rey were you out hunting again?" Rose asked with just a hint of timidity, cheeks still tinged pink with laughter.

"Actually, we were gathering some plants and roots nearby." Rey said excitedly, still staggered that food stuffs could be readily scavenged from their immediate surroundings. "There are so many different kinds of life here! It's like a vast network of intertwining systems, with water and sunlight powering it all." There was a reverent enthusiasm in her description as her gaze wondered, no doubt picturing all the different creatures she'd encountered in the last week.

Finn paused in the braiding efforts to observe his friend with a pleased grin. Even with the chaotic turbulence of the last few weeks she still managed to find contentment, a happy glow coming from her as she talked animatedly with Rose.

Another, different kind of smile spread across Finn's face as he noticed Poe wildly approaching over Rose's shoulder. The pilot raced towards them, yelling in a sing-song voice "We're gonna have a SHOWER!"

Poe was sporting his usual pants and undershirt but today, his upper half was draped in chains of purple flowers, covering his head, neck, and arms. When he skidded to a halt between the two women, sweaty and out of breath, grinning maniacally, they swished around him.

"Rose, Finn, Rey, we gotta go!" He burst out immediately before squatting down next to his friends. "I just heard there's a thermal spring nearby none of us have had a bathed in weeks, we need this but the light will fade in a few hours and it takes two hours to get there so we have to leave right now." He spoke with zealous impatience as if it annoyed him how long his own mouth took to form words.

"What's all this?" Rose giggled, somewhere between a tease and a scoff as she flicked the loops around Poe's head.

"What? Nothing! I'm getting married. Are you guys ready to go?"

Finn and Rose who were a bit more acquainted with Poe's light-speed talking and sarcastic humor just laughed and nodded, "Sure" Finn said shrugging and smiling as he carefully set down the braiding project for later.

Rey was still lost from the random turn the conversation had taken, "Married?" she inquired as everyone stood up.

"That's right. There's a lovely group of six-year-olds over there that have decided it's time for me to settle down. Would you do me the honor of officiating, O wise master Jedi?" Poe quirked an eyebrow at her grinning as Finn and Rose waved to Tahna. Rey, who was torn between despondency and frustration at her lack of experience with complex social situations, didn't respond as the group began to walk.

"Yeah Rey, make it official" Finn meaningfully widened his eyes at her before elbowing Poe in the side with a grin. "What are those really for?" Finn asked indicating the flowers. Changing the subject and effectively ending Rey's suffering as the four strided towards the outskirts of the village.

Shrugging casually, Poe revealed he'd been basically babysitting some of the younger Yrashu children that morning and had agreed to, "Let them litter me with dead shrubs". Which extorted fresh amusement from Finn and Rose.

But Rey wasn't really listening.

Just then, she'd felt an agonized throb in the Force. Coming to a sudden halt, her head twitched to the side, almost as if listening.

But this was a pulse in the Force. A single beat in a chaotic orchestration of life—brief, indistinct and almost impossible to hold on to.

It faded quickly, leaving a hollow impression in Rey's gut. Only one thing she knew felt remotely like that. One person.

* * *

 **Private Quarters, Dreadnot.**

There was that nudge again. At first, Kylo had thought it was Rey but now he wasn't so sure. It felt stronger this time.

Shaking his head slightly, Kylo refocused on reading through Hux's latest proposal. It was altogether a grisly reminder that genocide wasn't considered a negative conscience in this overreaching mans plans.

Another aggressive nudge physically pulled Kylo up, making him pause what he was doing and lower the data pad. " _Odd_." He thought with some trepidation.

"Sir?" Hux asked, eyebrows crinkling. "Is there a flaw in the plan?"

The amount of annoyance one being could cause another by merely existing was unfathomable. Closing his eyes in infinite patience, Kylo spit out "No, I just need more time to consider it!"

The perfectionist didn't take the hint and the nudge was becoming something more. "Sir, we need to move quickly if—"

"OUT!" Without preamble, Kylo seized the general's frame, opened the door, and bodily hurled the offending man from his quarters, never once rising from his seat.

"I once would have reacted the same way." Standing calmly in the middle of Kylo's quarters, was a man in his early sixties with a clean-shaven yet weathered face and a crooked half-smile. A peculiar, blue shimmer enveloped his whole visage and was accentuated by the oddly echoing voice. And he was garbed in Jedi robs.

"I've been trying to reach you for a very long time," He said, sorrow now coloring his tone and face.

Kylo Ren stood, observing the Jedi manifestation through narrowed eyes but saying nothing.

"I would have come sooner… but at the time of my death I was in no way versed in Jedi lore. It toke a great deal of time to learn how to manifest and by then, Snoke had already blocked off your mind from me."

Knowing what he did about the Skywalker past, Kylo had more than a suspicion about who was before him.

"And what makes you think I want to speak with you now?" he said with a sneer. Conflicted didn't even begin to cover Kylo's feelings on seeing the man he'd spent most of his adult life worshiping.

"I don't know what you want any more than you do," Anakin Skywalker said with the same crooked grin. "What I do know, is that despite being used and manipulated by someone of immense power, you managed to make a noble decision that not only benefited yourself but saved the life of a friend." A glint of something like pride was in his eye now.

"You want me to accept the light, embrace it, just as you did in the end." It was a cold, bleak assessment.

But Anakin shook his head, old skin wrinkling in his first true smile "Our paths are different. You're shrewder, more independent and so many other things that I wasn't." He took a step forward, alight with enthusiasm. "You created an opportunity for yourself to do something different, change the pattern."

A flickering in his image caused him to start and look down and his lips twitched in an ironic, self-deprecating smile "I never was very good at patience meditation."

Then a more mild, accepting look washed over his features.

"Ben, you've spent you're whole life denying a part of yourself. First the dark inside, then the light…"

He paused for a moment searching for words and Kylo didn't give him the chance to continue as his outrage flashed hot and bright.

"What do you expect from me! It's one or the other. And I've done too much dark to give up on—"

It was then that the aged Jedi seemed to run out of calming wisdom, "Just fuck what everyone else has said! Why not accept both portions of yourself, light and dark, as just parts that make up the whole?"

The glint in his eye was of one who deeply comprehended conflict and Kylo was slightly aghast at the measure of understanding he saw in their spectral depths.

Then the ghostly figure flickered once again, "Gah!" Anakin grimaced. "I'm getting too emotional to maintain the connection." He reached out as if to grasp Kylo's shoulders but just passed right through, hissing in frustration before he looked back up in desperate purpose. "Ben, thousands will die if you approve the plan Hux proposed. Don't agree to something horrendous just because you're to personally conflicted to make a better call." He stepped closer, earnestly grave, almost commanding, "Don't be me" before his figure vanished.

There were many reactions pulsing though Kylo at the moment. Standing in the center of his room, clenching and unclenching his hands, air snorting through his flared nostrils, he staggered as confusion, pain and frustration all mixed together into one toxic emotion. The only emotion Kylo Ren knew how to effectively channel: rage.

It was like an explosion went off in the ship. The massive craft lurched and Kylo was clutching his head, lost in an incoherent bombardment of contradictory emotions. Ripples in the Force could be felt throughout the vessel, even by those not customarily attuned to its behaviors.

One by one, out of the vortex of sensation he was lost in, Kylo began to pick up and examine things inside himself he knew to be true…

* * *

AN: Again, I brought in some Star Wars lore, trying to be as accurate as possible. Hope I was being true to Anakin Skywalker!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and is following this story :)


	5. Chapter 5

Service Announcement! Now that the break is over chapters will be posted much less often (1 to 2 weeks). On the plus side, they will get longer and will possibly start introducing some adult content, earning it that M rating.

Thanks to everyone who has been following this story!

* * *

 **Private Quarters, Dreadnot.**

He felt calm. The plaguing anxiety had receded somewhat making rational thought more manageable and controlled.

 _Why not accept both_? It was such an obvious solution, Kylo was hard pressed to understand how he'd lived a better part of his life conflicted and torn, believing himself weak for being drawn to first the dark side of the Force then the light. By embracing both aspects of the Force into his being and, awash in the reassurance of his long sought-out mentor, Ben felt as though a festering wound was being achingly rinsed out and soothed.

And the guilt… The guilt surrounding his father, the guilt horribly mixed up in his failings with the light and Luke's betrayal… that was still there. But the dread and confusion were less potent now. Somehow, the previously pain inducing memories were taking on different colors, all his major conflicts stemming from the same fundamental denial.

Light and dark sides of life, of the Force, were fundamentally necessary contrasts. _Parts of the whole_ … Kylo was beginning to recognize that now as he floated in the gently rocking cradle of the infinite universe.

He'd essentially dropped into the flow of the Force mind and soul, dark and light, allowing himself to feel both, find solace in both. And understand that both were fundamental, interacting halves present in all life forms.

Here and now, Kylo was deciding what things were true for himself. There was no going back, dwelling on the past resulted in wasted energy, passion and drive should be directed towards progress and there was still much he wanted to accomplish. He also knew with budding certainty that he wanted Rey to be a part of it.

But first he would have to deal with Hux and the unquestionable uproar that was awaiting him.

It was virtually impossible to measure the passing of time while afloat in the Force, Kylo assumed he had already been to long away but it had been worth it.

Solidifying his new and blissfully obtainable composure, Kylo Ren brought his consciousness back to his physical body, which had been floating unassisted in his private quarters for an undeterminable amount of time.

A grimace crossed his face when he beheld the havoc his mental breakdown had wreaked on a huge chunk of the leeward section, uncrossing his legs and lowering them to the ground, Kylo observed the veritable army currently working just outside the bubble of energy he'd been incased in. He was standing in a small crater of protected metal while all around was chaos, only promptly erected shields sealing the room from space.

"Welcome back, Sir. I trust there is an explanation for the crippling damage inflicted on our flagship?" Hux stepped forward almost immediately.

"Yes actually there is. Your latest proposal is denied." Kylo didn't try to protect the other mans delicate pride or explain himself. "However, I want you to compile a list of candidates to fill the position I recently vacated, as hand to the Supreme Leader." He brushed past a spluttering Hux to approach CC-781. "Gather a few new sheets of hull armor, some welding equipment and a spare window and bring everything back here. Take as many men as you need."

As Kylo had sensed the man had more intelligence than Hux, saluting briskly with a "Yes Sir!" CC-781 began collecting the necessary men.

"Sir, I apologize, but I simply don't understand!" There was a singular hint of desperation in Hux's tone, no doubt spawned by the many occasions physical violence had followed its voice.

But for once Kylo wasn't angry, "It's a restructuring, General, and I expect you to be as helpful as possible." Eyeing the shorter man unwaveringly, purposefully keeping his plans vague, Kylo waited. It didn't' take long for the red-head to huff and glance away, acquiescing "Of course, Sir."

* * *

 **Lolo Spring, Baskarn**

After enjoying an impromptu race to the western side of the village, the four young, panting Resistance members were suddenly surrounded by several Yrashu children rambunctiously jumping, wrestling and shrieking in their own language.

"POE!" Several shouted, along with very quick chattering that none of the humans could follow despite the fact that all had been making an effort to pick up a few words in the native language.

"No wonder you get along so well" Rey commented without thinking, a grin tugging at her lips as Poe glanced over smirking.

"We do," he said sticking his nose in the air with false offense.

One of the tiny females tugged at Poe's hand, saying in a clear high voice "Path!" in the common tongue. He grinned at his friends and allowed her to lead him, saying, "This way, there's an actually path to the spring so even those of us not particularly attuned to the Force can walk through the jungle in relative safety."

"Ahh right, right… sounds easy." Finn said unsteadily, violently shaking his torso and face as if preparing for a fight, face deadly serious. Rey and Rose glanced at each other and quickly away, making a pitiable effort to stifle their laughter. "Don't worry," Rey assured him grinning. "I'll stay alert for anything moving near us."

"So is that stuff, like, easy for you now?" Finn asked as the four proceeded single file into the forest after the tumbling children, Poe in the lead followed by Rey, Finn then Rose. "We haven't really talked about any of the Force stuff since you got back."

"It's… developing." Rey answered carefully. "Being around the Yrashu has broadened my understanding immensely. They're just so… intuitive with the Force and how it flows. It's almost like… they wade through it in their mind just as easily as we walk on the ground." She paused, uncertain if she was making any sense.

"Do you think General Leia had that in mind when she decided on Baskarn?" Rose asked speculatively.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Poe said from the front. "The General never does anything without a reason." He spoke with utter assurance and faith, and Rey found her opinion of him increasing by a few parsecs.

The idea wasn't far fetched, General Leia was exceedingly clever, and Rey only wondered why Leia wouldn't tell her. She'd thought they had been developing a relationship over the last few weeks, even thinking of her as a kind of motherly figure…

But that was her problem. " _You see your parents everywhere, it's you're greatest weakness_ …"

Rey grit her teeth as Ben's blunt voice sounded through her head, _again_.

It seem everyone got lost in thought, for a while there was only the soft sounds of foot falls, the whoosh of leaves overhead and the scurrying of small creatures amongst the foliage.

They walked in companionable silence for some time before Poe spoke up, "What was it like training with Luke Skywalker?" In his voice Rey recognized the same reverent tone most people, previously including herself, talked about Luke in.

She hesitated.

"Yeah Rey! That's still so wild, what happened on that island?" Finn's enthusiasm broke a smile from her.

"It was very different than I expected." She started cautiously, wanting to be honest while staying respectful to Luke's memory. But her audience was very engaging and receptive and pretty soon, she was describing everything, from the crashing ocean waves to Luke's low regard of the Jedi and his desire for the Force to be shared and experienced by all.

They were all listening with rapt attention so Rey continued. "He said that the Force was a part of, and belonged to, everyone and everything and that to think of it as the sole domain of the Jedi was pure vanity. Being here on Baskarn has really enforced that for me." Rey mused aloud while the others seemed to contemplate this news with differing levels of disbelief.

"But Luke didn't really want the Jedi to end completely right? I mean—you have all those old Jedi manuscripts…" Rose trailed off hopefully.

"Actually, he didn't give those to me," Rey admitted with a frown. "Before I left, I had of vision of the tree they were housed in burning… so I took them." That news sunk in with the weight of a small freighter descending into the Jakku sand sea.

"So what does that mean for you? Are you… not a Jedi then?" Poe asked carefully, glancing back, talking gently as one would when approaching an ill person.

Rey wrinkled her nose, a slight grimace, answering with firm affirmation, "I don't think it matters. I have the Force and I'm going to use it help in whatever way I can. Everything else is just… semantics?" She glanced back at Finn for confirmation on the word they'd learned together from General Leia.

He looked up from delicately picking his way to give her a thumbs-up and an encouraging grin.

"You really don't care?" Rose asked tentatively then rushed to elaborate once she saw Rey's puzzled expression. "I mean, you don't care if there are no more Jedi?"

"What if we start something new? I mean… everyone, myself included, idolizes the Jedi. Luke even tried to bring them back. But what if we do something different this time. Maybe… let people decide for themselves how they want to use the Force…" Rey trailed off, not really sure where she was going with this idea. She had no clue were that thought had come from... but now that she said it out loud she felt a calming certainty settle into her stomach at the rightness of it.

"Why keep the Jedi texts then?" Finn asked as he gingerly stepped over a small, grounded razor leaf.

"There's still so much I don't know… I want to learn from them. But I don't have to agree with everything they did and said to appreciate the knowledge they amassed." Rey tried to explain and justify her conclusion. She'd known from the moment she took those books they would represent a knowledge she'd coveted for a long time as well as some contradictions to her own experiences and way of thinking. It was something she'd have to work through slowly, which doctrines she could believe in and what ideas she could make her own decisions about.

"Well, whatever you decide, we're right here with you Rey," Poe said pausing to turn and look at her with the sincere solemnity of blood brothers going off to war. Rey was truly touched. Then he slapped her shoulder, shattering the moment, and a huge grin overtook his face. "But first, BATHS!"

They'd come to the spring already! _That can't have been two hours_ , Rey thought distantly as the small Yrashu children shrieked and began playfully shoving each other in. And Rose and Poe started chatting excitedly about different hygiene practices as they began _stripping off their clothes_.

A moment of mutual and sheer shock passed between Rey and Finn as they glanced at each other and back at their bizarrely behaving friends. "Uhhh…?" Finn didn't have to articulate further as his face spoke to his and Rey's utter bemusement when Poe and Rose glanced up.

"What?" Poe asked quickly as Rey's eyes immediately found interest in the canopy above.

"You two have never been swimming before?" Rose voice was initially giggly before morphing completely with realization. "Oh my stars, you two have never been swimming before." She said in an almost self-berating way.

"She grew up in a dessert and I was a conscripted solider. When would we have been swimming?" Stance indignant, hands on hips, feisty sarcasm radiated off Finn. But there was no real bite to his words, which was made obvious when he answered Poe's spreading grin with his own.

"Alright, I can see we have some explaining to do." Poe pacified, characteristic easy leadership back in action as he gestured towards the green furred children playing in the alluring blue water. "The water here is heated by thermal pockets and undulations in the surrounding stone makes shallow pools, so you won't actually have to swim, it will be more like floating. But if you want to learn here would be a decent place to start." He finished shrugging with hands on hips.

"Okay, good, yes, valuable information but that doesn't explain why you both are naked!" Finn gestured wildly at the two of them again. To be fair, both had their private areas sufficiently covered but Rey wondered why not leave all the clothes on and get them clean in the water along with their bodies.

Rose and Poe shared an uncertain glance, "I don't know, we just don't want to get our clothes wet I guess? People always go swimming like this." Rose finished helplessly, throwing the question at Poe for further explanation but Rey jumped in.

"Why not leave the clothes on and clean them at the same time?" She asked curiously.

"Because we're just here to have a causal bath and relax not do our laundry and if we wash them now we'll have to walk back in sopping wet clothes." Poe explained as if that were obviously the protocol.

"But…" Rey glanced at Finn, intensely skeptical about abandoning such a lavish resource without taking full advantage it. "Couldn't we just wash them first and let them dry out on the rocks here?" She suggested pointing.

Poe just shrugged dubiously, "If that's what you want. I'm getting in the water." With that he shambled over to one of the pools to the delight of the children.

Sharing a final, conceding look, Rey and Finn also began removing their outer layers and approached the side of the steaming pool Poe and Rose were easing their way into. Rey brought her outer layers with her, an idea forming in her mind about using the Force to help get them both clean and dry.

Scanning the area, Rey was put at ease by the calm, bubbling blue water incased in an impressive rock outcropping, all overshadowed by gently swaying coniferous trees as she began scrubbing her outer clothes against the rough rock in the warm water.

"You never take a break, do you?" Poe's discerning voice broke through her reverie. And Rey glanced over at the other three who were lounging, fully submerged in the spring. But she didn't have to come up with a clever response because Rose spoke up on her behalf. "You all are like that!" She exclaimed in what Rey was learning was a characteristic honesty. "The moment we landed on Baskarn you all scattered and got to work, there's nothing wrong with that."

Rey smiled gently in thanks as Poe attempted to defend himself.

"Look I'm just saying it's good to take a break sometimes," He demonstrated this be reclining back further in the water, immersing himself up to the neck, making a ridiculously gratified face in the process.

Rey couldn't help it—she started laughing. They all did, and as the sound of their merriment echoed with that of the children nearby, Rey finally relaxed and slid into the water, marveling at the feel of it.

"There we go." Poe said sitting up happily observing Rey's transition.

"I've only been in the water once…" She admitted, whirling the water around with her arms. "I swallowed soooo much sea water." More laughter. Rey grinned at successfully achieving a joking manner.

Resting back and watching the tree's sway, the four Resistance fighters settled in to a relaxing afternoon.

* * *

A questioning tug in the Force caused Rey to stiffen abruptly, her eyes flew open, heart rate picking up. It was Ben, she was sure. But somehow, he was actively stimulating the bridge that connected them, asking her permission to materialize, giving her the choice to refuse. Theoretically she'd known this could be possible but had never thought he'd try to seek her out or that he would develop this kind of control so quickly. Rey hesitated. The fact that he was "asking" first, an uncharacteristically genially action, compelled her to assent his request.

"I'll be back." Rey said briskly before jumping out of the water, grabbing her still damp over-shirt and moving off towards the path to the village.

She didn't look back to see her friend's confused and troubled expressions.

Employing the idea that had taken shape earlier, Rey summoned the remaining water from her outer garment. Of course, that still left her under clothes and body soaking wet but she was in a hurry. Throwing her uppermost layer on she quickly put distance between herself and the spring, strangely anxious that he might think her unreceptive to his call.

Finally, when she'd run at least a kilometer, Rey stopped, took a deep breath and lowered the barriers that kept her mind separate from the bridge.

* * *

AN: Ah! Finally a real chapter. I know we didn't get to see Rey and Kylo interact this time but that will take up a majority of the next chapter. Stay tuned! And let me know what you think of the longer, more descriptive content.


	6. Chapter 6

**Audience Chamber, Dreadnot.**

When the bidden materials had arrived at what was left at his quarters, Kylo Ren had proceeded to move the supplies into place with the Force, instructing the various troopers to begin welding and applying metallic adhesives. Several layers of metal hull siding, two interruptions from Hux, and a few plastic alloy sheets later and the area could function without emergency force fields. But it sill needed significantly more meticulous labor before this section was livable again.

Kylo maintained his position, giving orders and directing workflow, as his mind turned to more significant concerns. Mainly Rey. The only person he really wanted to communicate with right now. The person instrumental in his burgeoning plans for effectively evolving the galaxy.

In his conscious thought, Kylo wished this were simply a desire to reach out to a fellow Force user, a professional and necessary working relationship. But in reality, he craved her soothing presence. An unexpected desire blossoming in him to discuss his recent illuminating experience with her, just as she'd shared her ordeal under the island with him. Hope and something indefinable pooled in his chest, despite a nagging, bordering on rage inducing, fear that she might betray or deceive him in someway. These thoughts and feeling associated with Rey were the last confusing considerations left to him. And the only way he was going to sort that out was to communicate with her directly.

After realizing that, Kylo promptly elected another to take his place as micromanager before vanishing into the large and spacious audience chamber at the center of the ship. As he disappeared inside this new, temporary residence, Kylo gave one order. "No disturbances."

Now he stood, several hours of resolute concentration later, with his hands clasped behind his back, eyes closed, waiting. He knew she'd felt his exploratory presence through their bond. And since she neither accepted nor rejected his questioning probe, Kylo assumed she was postponing opening communication until she was in relative privacy.

He took another deep breath around his stiff jaw. This was taking awhile.

A sudden break of tension in the Force caused him to look up, eyes alight. She was standing before him slightly out of breath and soaking wet, a dry over-shirt the only thing that didn't seem out of place on her.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked, eye's inquisitively roaming over her loose, dripping hair and bare feet.

"Yes but at least you asked politely." She answered easily with a small quirk of her lips. There was an indescribable twisting in his stomach at the site of her, something between intense anticipation and curiosity.

"You found a way to open the bridge." She offered enquiringly when he failed to rein in his absorbed inspection of her appearance.

"Yes it took some time but… I… I wanted to talk to you about something that occurred this morning." Kylo wavered, having never been so forward with someone about his emotions before. Her eyes brightened in recognition.

"I felt it. Whatever happened, I felt the pain through our connection." She revealed quietly, gazing up at him with open acceptance, waiting patiently for him to share his experience.

He told her everything, far more than he intended.

Pacing back and forth while she listened attentively, he pored out the whole conversation with Anakin Skywalker, as well as his experience of being completely submerged in the Force and the realization that came after.

The bare bone details, that's all that was needed. Not the expression of his shear relief on having the input and unique experience of his grandfather. Not his unadulterated craving for solace, he was sure she could see it… But she wasn't stopping him and there was no judgment in her eyes.

"I know what I am now and I can accept it. I won't apologize for the past…" He summed up, finding her steadfast gaze again, "But I will remember it. And those mistakes will never be repeated." Something about those understanding brown eyes made him feel vulnerable. "I don't want to be a monster."

Sorrow washed over her features. She nodded, eyes watery. "If there's one thing I've learned in the last few weeks, it's that dark and light exist in everything. A duality that we all have to make peace with and find balance."

She said it so sagely. A bitterness washed through him at how simple this all was for her. No confliction, no tragic past… no mistakes. But still… she understood. And she wasn't looking at him like he'd crawled from the depths of horror.

"I understand why you wont apologize for the past, but what are you planning to do that's different for the future?" Her question made his lips twitch in an almost smile.

"That will depend on you, actually. I have begun laying the foundations for galactic independence." Her eyes widened comically in surprise, causing his half-smile to grow into a full-blown smirk, as he raised a finger. "But unlike when the empire was overthrown, I'm going to maintain control of the military for the foreseeable future while slowly handing power back to the individual systems. The start of this will be an official systems armistice assembly, which… I want both you and my mother to attend."

It was almost like a processor program stalled. For a long moment she just stared at him, eyes desperately searching his face for any sign of duplicity. The news, he knew, was almost to good to be true. Kylo wasn't sure what he expected, but he was slightly taken aback when her face closed off slightly and her voice became stern.

"I'll have to talk to Leia about it." She warned and though he'd probably think her terribly gullible if she wasn't a little skeptical, he was also disparagingly affronted that she doubted him. The rational part of his mind applauded her sound caution, while the other desperately smothered particularly violent inclinations.

"Of course." He nodded dispassionately, consciously unclenching his hands. The wrinkle in her brow suggested she'd felt his brief burst of resentment through the Force and was unsure what it meant.

Instead of commenting however, she simply nodded back and some of the tension eased. They stared at each other for what felt like a long time.

"You'll need a new lightsaber." He broke the quiet moment.

"What?" She asked startled into a frank response. "Why would you suggest that?"

"A Jedi needs a lightsaber." He shrugged, assuming she'd want one. But yet again she surprised him.

"I'm not a Jedi. The Jedi are over." She responded, just a hint of sadness underlying the bravado as she firmly folded her arms. She might not even know the unhappiness was there.

"Sad isn't it." His suggestive tone made her eyes narrow. Old habits. Manipulation was as much a part of him as his dark hair.

"No" She said, stubbornness setting her jaw "Just a part of life. Things end, people die, and nothing can be as it once was."

"How very wise," His mocking voice was visibly caustic to her, "Is that something you've read in one of the numerous surviving Jedi texts?"

It was an educated guess, knowing what he did about both his mother and Uncle, but her lack of response along with the look of shock and disturbance on her face was enough to prove it.

"Why would you say you're not a part of them if you continue to uphold their sentiments?" He demanded, stepping closer, towering over her and invading her space.

"Because there's dark in me too." She practically spat out, fists clenched at her sides, refusing to falter. "Because even if you don't agree with everything someone says, that doesn't mean they don't have any worthwhile opinions or beliefs." The way she said that made him think she was talking about more than just the Old Jedi. "Because even though we may not agree on everything, despite _everything_ you've done, I'm still willing to give you a chance."

Her eyes were steady but her chest was heaving with emotion. "That's why I'm not a Jedi."

He stared at her, realizing for the first time that this had all been difficult for her.

Her head shot to the side, ears perking. Then she turned back to him, "I have to go. I'll talk to Leia and get back to you." Her face and emotions were closed to him and for some reason he hated that.

Nodding, jaw stiff he said "I'll have more details for you when the time comes,"

She nodded back and was gone.

* * *

 **Forest Path, Baskarn**

"Rey!" She knew it was only a matter of time before they came after her. Actually, it was rather impressive they'd gotten this much time alone. She'd turned back to Ben. "I have to go."

His face was characteristically difficult to read. Some vague mixture of determination and grief, as the bridge snapped closed.

"Rey, who… who are you talking to?" A damp and out of breath Finn reached her first, hands leaning down to rest on his knees as he gasped. Poe and Rose followed quickly with the rest of Rey's blessedly clean, if slightly damp clothes. With a muttered thanks she began getting dressed, not at all sure how to answer Finn's question.

"It's…" she shoved one leg than the other into her calf-length pants. "Can we talk about it back at base? I have to tell the General and it'll be better if we do it all together." Rey wasn't at all certain how her friends would respond to the news that their supposed enemy was in intimate contact with her. To be honest, she was too scared to face their reactions alone. She wanted Leia with her.

Finn and Rose glanced at each other perplexed but just shrugged, "Sure, Rey." Rose said soothingly, obviously sensing her distress. Poe on the other hand, was gazing at her critically, accomplished instincts noticeably engaged and on high alert as she sat down quickly to put her boots on.

"Is it something to do with the Force?" He asked with grim authority, apparently unwilling to wait. Rey stood meeting his eye and nodded, hoping that would be enough.

Mollified somewhat, he gave a sharp nod back. "Alright then, let's get back so we can hear your story."

It was a long, quiet walk back.

* * *

Poe was the first to reach the small hut that General Leia alone occupied. He knocked surreptitiously on the large center pole, "General? Can we have a word with you?" Trailing behind slightly, apprehension was wriggling in Rey's gut like maggots on a corpse.

"Come in, Poe." Leia's weary voice called out and the four youngsters ducked into the shelter.

There was a sly grin on her face as everyone settled into the crowded space. "What can I do for you?" She asked the group at large, eyes settling on Rey who fidgeted, perceptibly anxious. All the other eyes quickly found her as well, waiting.

"He contacted me." She revealed hurriedly, "It wasn't just the bridge connecting us—he found a way to reach out to me." The tautness of her body was mirrored by the tension filling the hut. Everyone but Leia, who nodded thoughtfully, was visibly confused at her vague pronoun use.

"Who?" Poe leaned forward, breaking the eye contact between Rey and Leia and raising his eyebrows, pointedly irritated by the exclusion.

The General quirked a brow at Rey in silent question, the younger woman glanced down and away, desperately hoping Leia would understand her predicament.

If Rey had looked up, she would have seen the aging General grin, cunning eyes shining as she turned to the rest of the group.

"When I told you all that Snoke had died and that my son had assumed command of the First Order, that is not information I gleaned from the Force… but rather, a first hand account." Leia started leisurely, graciously willing to elaborate on what Rey could not. "Rey was there. While we were fleeing in the cruiser, she selflessly turned herself over to the First Order, in order to help Kylo Ren."

"WHAT!" Disbelief and shock were displayed freely on Poe and Rose's faces.

"REY! How could you not tell us?" Finn appeared more scared than angry, worry creasing his brow. "What happened?"

They were all looking at her expectantly. Rey opened and closed her mouth a few times in distress before looking back at Leia, eyes pleading.

The General, astute as ever, cleared her throat bringing the other's attention back to her "She was there because Snoke found a way to join her mind with that of my son through the Force. This allowed them to communicate enough were Rey realized there was good in him and the possibility for change. She went there, hoping he would come to the light and help our cause."

The others were silent now, eyes darting between Leia and Rey in fascination as the story unfolded.

"In the end, he killed Snoke to save her life… but was unable to completely conquer the dark within himself." The frankness with which she said this did not completely mask the grief in her voice.

"Something's different now," Rey finally revealed in a soft voice, eyes on the General. "When he reached out to me this time… he had some, unbelievable news."

She hesitated but they were all expectantly waiting for her to continue, so she took a deep breath. "He said he wants Galactic independence." There was a collective intake of breath, even from the General. A this point the other's seemed to be out of shock and simply stared at her but Leia's eyes were already calculating.

"What brought this on and how does he plan to accomplish this?" She asked shrewdly, not in any way critical of Rey, just extremely wary of this promising new development.

Rey quickly described the events leading up to Ben's revelation, leaving out only a few personal details. She didn't want to completely betray their burgeoning trust.

"I don't know for sure, but he was as sincere as I've ever seen him. Even though he wants to retain control of the military, I do believe he plans for things to change." Rey said earnestly, feeling rather relieved now that the whole story was known.

"But he wants you two specifically to attend this summit? Nah uh. I don't by it." Poe was shaking his head adamantly. "He knows how important both of you are to the Resistance."

Rey and Leia shared a long look. In it, they both expressed their hope, doubt and a need for time. General Leia looked back at her commander with a found smile, "You're right to be skeptically. This is a matter that requires time and thought, not rash action." Poe managed to look abashed while still sporting a cheeky grin.

"Would you all give Rey and I a moment, please?" It wasn't a request. They all knew an order when they heard one. Poe, Rose and Finn all rose to leave, with Finn giving Rey one last worried look before he ducked out the door.

"Your friends will forgive you," Leia said leaning in, an indulging smile gracing her features. She was so calm and understanding, it made Rey want to hide and cry.

"What if they don't?" Rey almost sobbed, tears leaking out. This is why she'd kept the truth from them. The idea that they wouldn't understand, that especially Finn might hate her for giving Ben a second chance was so overwhelmingly painful that she simply couldn't talk about it.

But Leia seemed to recognize Rey's feelings completely. Leaning forward to grab the younger woman's hands she said, "If you believe what your doing is right, then stand by it. The people in your life who are worth keeping around will understand eventually." Her eyes were so empathetic and gentle Rey broke down completely.

Tilting forward, her head came to rest on Leia's knee, allowing the tears to flow unchecked. As she sobbed, Rey noticed the fear and tension she'd been carrying drain out as the older woman ran a soothing hand down her back. Of course Leia was right, the older woman knew how to handle hard decisions and if she believed Finn and the others would forgive her, then they would.

After a few moments, the tears were spent and Rey sat up, hurriedly wiping at her nose and eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry, I've just… I've never been in a situation like this before." Rey stammered a little helplessly.

Leia smiled again, in a way that made her seem both sympathetic and wise. Then the General got down to business. "Rey, you mentioned that Ben seemed different now, after speaking with his Grandfather. I need you to tell me how, did you sense it in the Force?" She was intent but not overly pressing and Rey tried to concentrate on the feelings she'd picked up from Ben during their longer conversation.

"He seemed genuinely calm. There was no storm in his head, like… he finally knew what he wanted. Resolution replacing the confliction that was there before." Rey frowned as her mind turned internal, focusing on the whirlwind of emotions she perceived in that few minutes. He'd also seemed oddly excited and sad at times, though those emotions seemed to be directly related to her reactions and not his internal stability.

Looking up, Rey noticed that Leia was staring at the wall, eyes distant and unreadable.

"Leia?" Rey questioned, leaning forward to catch her eye.

The General took a deep breath and her eyes flicked back to Rey. "I told you that this connection was dangerous, and knowing that, you still wanted to maintain it. I admire your courage but are you sure you wish to continue? Because things have the potential to become much more complicated from here on, and loyal friends have been lost over less."

In Leia's eyes Rey saw a warning and a choice. Her confidence solidified in the knowledge that what she was doing was right.

"What do I need to do?"

* * *

AN: Woo! Had fun with that Chapter :) let me know what you guys think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Yrashu Meditation Circle, Baskarn**

After her discussion with Leia, Rey sought out a secluded, safe area where she could spend some uninterrupted time searching for her counterpart in the tumult of the Force.

Knowing the hut she'd been sharing with about half the Resistance would never do, Rey went to Morro for direction. This he genially supplied, leading her too a quiet, ceremonial location some distance from the village. The area was relatively clear of dangerous foliage and, as it was mostly used for solemn rites, no one was likely to wonder in.

It was a beautiful spot, dominated by a large flat paving stone that was sunk into the ground and decorated with a looping, circular grid. It looked ancient and gave the whole place an air of mystery and solemnity as shade and sun took their turns playing across it's face through the canopy of trees.

"No one will bother you here." Morro promised, leaning down on his green knuckles so his head would be lower and closer to Rey's. "The children know not to play here." He nodded somberly.

"It's perfect, thank you." Rey smiled up gently in gratitude, a gesture that the Yrashu returned in his own way by softly nudging her upper arm with his furry elbow.

Rey looked up into the canopy, taking a few steps towards the center of the large stone as the older Yrashu began moving back toward the village. She felt his consciousness recede and the noises and sensations of the forest became more prominent as distractions faded away. A gentle breeze brought the smell of mud, a rustling in the brush and the sound of insect hums.

Rey settled herself cross-legged in the center of the slab and sunk gratefully into the flow of the Force.

It had only been half a day since their last conversation but Rey was oddly anxious about this one. Ben's behavior was so erratic and hard to read, she wanted to handle this situation as adeptly as General Leia would in her place. But she also knew that was impossible. Rey breathed deeply. She would put her best effort into helping Ben, and in the end, that would have to be enough. Things would go their own way.

Rey let the worry flow away, focusing her energy in locating her foil, the other scalding pool of light at the end of the bridge. It was far easier than she thought it would be. It was like a current grabbed onto her and she was dragged along, straight to him.

* * *

There he was, sitting calmly reading through a veritable stack of data-pads. Rey couldn't help it, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, despite her more recent exposures to opulence. Each one was worth at least a dozen full portions of food back on Jakku! The heap on his lap wobbled slightly as Ben's big brown eyes jumped up to meet hers, face quickly controlled, revealing nothing. But Rey could feel a brief elation, quickly hidden, as she composed her own features and rose to stand from where she was sitting on the ground.

The expensive stack wobbled again as Ben also moved to straighten. He didn't even look down, holding her eye in an intimidating way as he smoothly levitated the whole stack off his lap and away to the side, out of her sight. It was slightly jarring to observe his stark, black silhouette surrounded by greenery as he stood to his full height.

Their encounters usually followed a pattern. Ben would speak with cursory aggression, dominating the conversation or… he would listen pensively, offering comfort and thoughtful council. And he would switch between these two personas with such disquieting speed, Rey was hard pressed to adapt quickly enough.

But this time he just stared. No calculation, no fierce extortion. He was just studying her, as he'd done earlier near the spring, eyes soft and appraising.

Rey summoned back her confidence and spoke, "I meant to ask first, before materializing. The current swept me here faster than I expected." She admitted easily. Talking about the Force with another user was quickly becoming Rey's favorite conversational piece.

"You initiated?" the shock showed on his face this time. "Impressive. But I should expect that of you by now." He gave a mildly bitter yet rueful half smile.

Rey didn't know what to make of that attitude so she chose to ignore it.

"You mentioned having more information about the Galactic Assembly." She offered instead, opening up the opportunity for a more professional information exchange.

"What did my mother say when you passed along my request?" He inquired instead, avoiding her obvious question, and marking the signs of switching into 'aggressive Ben'.

"She asked that I acquire more information," Rey fired back firmly. Ben's eyes narrowed at the same times as a small smirk twitched across his face.

"Yes I'm sure that's all she had to say on the matter" He answered with dismissive sarcasm, "Very well…" He gave her another assessing look and Rey just raised her chin. "The Galactic Assembly will take place a month from now, in the Naboo System. The main topics of discussion will be: Ordaining galaxy wide laws, and distinguishing between basic military and state powers." He explained with deliberate callousness whitch did nothing to belay the serious intent she could feel coming from him. No matter what his face and words alleged, this was important to him.

Rey nodded seriously, deliberating, "That might not be enough time." Ben's eyes narrowed in confusion before she elaborated. "General Leia said we could agree to attend, on one condition."

He waited, unyielding, as Rey slowly studied his face for the inevitable reaction. "You teach me how to assemble a lightsaber."

Rey expected him to freeze and consider this caveat carefully. But Ben did neither of these things. He grinned.

It was the first time Rey had ever seen such a facsimile of a smile and the effect was terrifying.

"Sure," He said with a flippant air, head swinging "Then I'll go ahead and stab myself with it and save you the trouble."

Rey frowned in repugnance and confusion, unable to break through his façade to see what he was really feeling. "I thought you understood that I want to help you."

"Of course you do," He spit bitingly, continuing the blasé manner that was really starting to irritate her. "Until exactly the moment that I'm not behaving perfectly enough for you, then you'll stab me through the heart." He finished with a hiss, eyes bright with anger as he gesticulated sharply. The bitterness and hurt were obvious now.

Rey had clenched her hands, but the irritation was washing away as she remembered he was a boy who had been betrayed and manipulated continuously throughout his life. Her face relaxed from irate into something more somber.

"I could have killed you, you know. That day on Snokes ship, when I knew you were going to hunt down the Resistance—I could have ended it there." The decision to leave him alive hadn't even given her the slightest pause. She needed to make him understand that. And maybe he could see her confliction, because his mocking smile slipped away.

Stepping closer to her on the sunken dais, his restless eyes darted around her face, entreating, searching. "Then why? Why sm I still alive?"

"Because I don't want to see you dead," Sincere and quiet, her voice spoke on it's own as his dark eyes captured hers in a way that brought on a sense of closeness. "I'd still hoped we could… that _you_ might…" Rey stuttered to a stop, glancing down in contemplation, trying to gather her thoughts to better articulate her desires.

She wasn't sure what Ben was thinking but he wasn't interrupting… He was standing distractingly close, Rey's eyes on level with his chest. She took a steadying breath and looked back up, regarding him with calm professionalism.

"I hope that we've reached a point now, where, if there's a disagreement between us we can talk about it and come to a compromise. Move forward." He raised his chin slightly, listening evenly. A hint of approval on his face but he was still waiting for more.

Rey paused for a moment, unconsciously licking her lips before finally promising, "I won't go for my lightsaber unless lives are on the line." A little grin twitched at the corner of her mouth. All of a sudden, this all seemed a little funny to her. But she smothered it, not wanting to risk insulting him while discussing something so serious.

Turns out, she needn't have worried. For what cracked at the stone of his face, was the first genuine smile she'd ever seen him wear. Granted, it was small and more of a smirk, but it transformed his face entirely, into something almost handsome.

"Deal" He said softly, holding out his ungloved hand. Rey looked down, shocked. That was it? No manipulation or insults or explosive rage? She gazed back up at his face, eyes probing. What she saw there, was his costmary intensity tempered now by a new calm, openness. It made her feel a thrill of warm elation, an emotion she usually associated with green things and water and Finn.

Rey reached out and clasped his larger hand.

It was as if a Jakku sand storm slammed into her with all its force, sand and wind. Not knowing what to expect, perhaps visions, perhaps nothing, Rey and Ben were both staggered at the flood of images and sensations.

Instead of separate visions, this time, Rey and Ben were moving through the experience together, hands joined.

There was inexplicable heat, the feeling of warm skin, a bright window, a sandstone outcrop, caves made of ice, a rope hanging from a tree branch, a crackling fire that was somehow also Ben's lightsaber, a heated, coiling feeling associated with the distinct image of their two hands meeting, embraced.

And then it was over.

They both gasped. Rey was panting, shock still running through her system as she instinctively tried to draw her hand away. But he grasped it firmly, "No. Wait."

He held up a finger, looking into her eyes and probing with the Force, feeling the air around and between them. Rey began to do the same, reaching out, feeling the current of the Force they were engulfed in as it began to calm down, like water settling after a storm.

Their ragged breathing began to calm as well, bodies gradually straitening out of the slight crouch they'd instinctively fallen into.

Without releasing her, Ben brought his other hand up to experimentally stroke her knuckle. Touch light as a whisper across her skin.

Rey shivered.

But no visions ensued.

They observed each other with a bit of mutual relief and Rey's other hand came up to clasp both of his in hers as she grinned in relief. The same familiar way she'd act with Finn if this had happened between them.

Ben stepped closer bringing their clasped hands up to their chests. "Interesting." He commented dryly, running his thumb soothingly over the top of her hand.

"That was all things we're going to see together," Even as Rey spoke in awe she tried to make sense of the words. She didn't know how she knew that.

Ben frowned slightly, "Possibly."

There was something creeping up on her, something that called back to the heat in the vision—a coiling tension in her belly that brought warmth to her chest and face as she glanced down at their embraced hands and back up at Ben.

His thick hair was being tousled in the breeze and the black clothing he wore seemed stifling in the forest. Dark eyes, forever restless, traveled over her face and lose hair. He had captured and threatened her. Killed his own father and attacked his mother, threatened to destroy all of the Resistance.

Yet being here with him now felt more natural than anything in the galaxy.

"I think we can do this. Work together, work through our differences and start a new phase of history in the galaxy. That sounds too ambitious but…" Her eyes were shining with excitement. "I have new hope. Here, with you."

A look of surprise flashed across his face before softness settled in his eyes.

"Maybe you're right."

Flushed with elation, Rey didn't hesitate. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his chest, breathing in deep. His cheek came down to rest on her hair, natural and easy as the summer wind playing through the branches above.

They fit together seamlessly, the Force flowing around and through them in a tender, playful way.

"I have something to tell you." Ben said quietly from above her, not breaking the moment. Rey turned her head to the side and waited.

He leaned back slightly to meet her eye, "My lightsaber is… defective."

Rey's eyes widened as she leaned back slightly, head twitching to the side in silent question.

"When a Jedi lightsaber is assembled, they choose a Kyber crystal and the crystal chooses them. A bond is formed and the two work together in harmony." Ben swallowed and shifted his gaze to the side. "Mine was not formed like that... Do you know why all the Sith had red lightsabers?" She shook her head and he continued.

"The Sith don't form a bond with their Kyber crystal. They take one and bend it to their will." His tone was resigned, as if describing a death that had taken place many, many years ago. "The violent process results in the blade "bleeding" red."

He paused again, eyes finally jumping down to catch her own.

"That is how I wield my blade."

They'd been standing close, hands firmly intertwined, but now Rey stepped back, horror and sadness filling her eyes. Their hands, however, remained clasped as Ben gripped her more firmly

"Have you noticed how my blade crackles, shifts and jumps, seeming less steady than yours?" He questioned fiercely, gaze insisting and intense, prompting her to respond quickly.

Lips thinning, she nodded her head stiffly, "Yes"

"That's because I haven't tamed it!" He seemed almost frantic to explain as he stepped in closer again, hands releasing hers only to clutch her upper arms. "In all these years, I've never dominated it, never broken it to my will." Looking away for a moment he seemed not to be talking to her. "I thought that was weakness before but now… I realize." He shook his head, gaze pivoting back to her sharply. "That I admire its strength. I don't want to break or use it. I want it to be mine and I it's. To work together."

Seeming to find immediate comfort in that realization, he sagged slightly. Staying close but releasing her arms, his face relaxed from its contortions. Eyes careful and penetrating, he bowed down slowly to rest his forehead against hers. "That's… also how I feel about you." He clarified softly, in case she hadn't caught on.

Stunned, Rey was frozen. Abruptly recognizing that despite his manic explanation and desperate scrabbling, she had felt no fear. She'd calmly endured his outburst knowing that it stemmed from chaotic emotions and would soon pass. There would be an explanation after.

Maybe she just understood him better now. Maybe it was because he wasn't threatening her anymore. Maybe it was because she could see him now as he was: a deeply passionate man, desperate to make sense of the world and establish some tolerability for his own choices.

And maybe he was looking to _her_ for comfort, approval, and understanding.

All that summed up and slammed together in the staggering realization that he cared for her as deeply as she cared for him.

Rey looked up into Ben's eyes with her mouth agape. She had no words.

Instead, she impulsively lowered her defenses. Allowing all the love, care and devotion she felt for him careen through their bond, crashing into him with the force of waves smashing against the rocky shore on Ahch-To.

Ben gasped, eyes widening as his head jerked back reflexively, shock and wonder flashing across his face.

Then Rey didn't know what happened but he was holding her face as tears spilled from his eyes and then his lips were gently brushing hers. And then he pulled away so swiftly she hadn't even registered the gesture as his frantic orbs came back into view. Then he swooped down to kiss her again and though she was dazed, Rey instinctively leaned up into it, pressing their lips more firmly together and holding him tight.

They broke apart when she started to laugh and she realized that tears were streaming down her face too and that she was amazed and happy and overwhelmed.

It was a powerful realization. That she cared for him as he cared for her—that neither was alone in their feelings. The notion birthed a sense relief and comfort, of rightness, of belonging, as they actively allowed room in their hearts for the other.

That there was someone in the galaxy they could trust implicitly… it was unbelievable. It was like the odds of a star fragment falling directly into the palm of your hand.

Similar thoughts seemed to be running through Ben's head because he uttered a strangled sort of chuckle, lips widening into a true smile—a genuine, full, happy smile. A tingling, delightful sensation spread throughout her whole body at the site of it.

Rey beamed up at him, loving the soothing sensation of his warm, trembling hand on her face. She hiccupped, tears still leaking out and a few chuckles escaped him as they stared and stared and stared, falling deep into the well of the others eyes.

The tears on her face were gently wiped away by Ben's thumb and she reached up to do the same for him. Marveling at his features, big proud nose over soft lips, Rey felt herself flush at how his bright, roaming orbs constantly drew her attention. How close they were…

Finally, without really meaning to, they moved into a breathtaking embrace. Ben's larger, muscular frame enveloped hers and their lips collided. Arms warped around her upper shoulders while she grasped at his sides to pull their bodies flush together. It was desperate and inexperienced and thrilling. They explored one another with the exuberance of an infant attempting to walk for the first time.

Initially, Ben navigated. Bringing a hand down to cup her chin while the other kept her close, soft lips tugging and nipping, making her quiver. But then Rey moved in, the instant he wavered, repeating and escalating what he'd just done to her mouth, breezing over it before experimentally darting her tongue out to flick his upper lip. A half smothered groan escaped from his throat and Rey inhaled sharply as her body reacted to his deep rumble. A warm, coiling rush spilling through her body in reaction.

More aggressively this time, their lips crashed together, a wild heat rising up around them.

All at once, Ben broke away with a strangled groan, pinching his eyes shut and holding her at arms length.

"Ben? What… what's wrong?" Breathless, Rey anxiously extended her thoughts to feel her partners. And was utterly confused by what she found there. He seemed pleased but there was a pained reluctance as well, along with an intense ach she couldn't identify.

"I can't. Not like this, I… Rey…" His head was bowed, arms still grasping hers and breathing ragged. Not wanting to push him, Rey lightly placed her hands on his forearms and rubbed soothingly while he composed himself. She smiled ironically to think how she'd learned these comforting techniques from Leia only hours earlier.

She could feel the subtle shift as he brought his chaotic emotions into heel. Finally, he took a deep breath and straitened, meeting her eye.

"I can't do this right now. With our bond open like this… I… don't have a handle on my emotions." He grit out reluctantly, eyes darting to the side. Rey didn't really understand what was holding him back but she smiled fondly anyway, because at least he was being open with her, even if his jaw was heatedly clenching and unclenching.

When his eyes swung back around to rest on her, she was struck once again by how expressive they were. One moment, they were as fierce as a Wooky warrior in combat the next as tender and captivating as a baby Porg.

They were tender now, as he reached up to brush his fingers along her cheek.

"When this happens between us, I need to be ready. And right now, we don't know enough about the Force bond to try something like that." This further elaboration had Rey nodding in recognition. She'd almost forgotten they weren't even on the same planet. The crackling energy that bound them together was being held in place by force of will.

Though she didn't see why kissing would have harmful effects on their bond, she trusted his experience.

"Alright," She nodded considerately, keeping her distance. But it was cold without his touch.

His gaze held hers, heavy with disappointment and resignation. So she tried coaxing smile and reached for his hand.

He let her hold it warily but her grin was soft, "This is enough."

A reluctant kind of smile twitched at his upper lip, much to Rey's delight. "So… can you tell me where to find a Kyber Crystal?" She asked tentatively, not wanting to push.

The final bits of wariness faded from him and Ben's mouth widened into a smirk, "Better. I can show you."

* * *

AN: I'm having so much fun writing this and I'm so grateful for all the people who have followed, liked and reviewed!


	8. Chapter 8

**Imperial Shuttle, Ilum**

Kylo arrived first. Not surprising considering Rey would be flying in whatever stolen vessel the Resistance could manage to scrounge up.

Adjusting the craft as it settled onto the stone outcropping, Kylo reached up switching a lever that pulled in the landing strips and then he leaned forward to initiate an engine hibernation protocol, which would protect the ship from the sub-zero temperatures on this planet.

Finishing that, he reclined back in his seat with a pensive sigh, allowing his thoughts to resettle on their favorite distraction. When would she get here? An hour, a day? He wanted to hold her in his arms, not a projection, but _her_.

The flourishing warmth, the feelings of peace and security, to Kylo's astonishment they remand, only increasing in magnitude every time he let his thoughts stray back to her.

Being together like that… Kylo he… No _… Ben._

His thoughts derailed for a moment.

That's what she called him. Despite the fact that he'd shed his given name, the way she said it spread tingling warmth through his body. It was his name, but he hadn't seen himself as Ben for a long time. Though, neither did he fully see himself as Kylo Ren anymore… rather, something in-between. Just Ren seemed like a good compromise between the two.

Mulling this over, Ben found with surprise that he didn't really care. If his ultimate goals were being accomplished, people could call him whatever they wanted.

Shrugging that away, Ben unfurled his mind, scoping out a huge area. He would know before the ships sensors when she arrived.

 _Rey_ …

Another rush of heat flooded him at the memory of how she'd kissed him. So eager and receptive, he'd never expected that. And he certainly hadn't expected his own reaction to be so overwhelmingly feverish. He'd always been prone to impassioned outbursts but the energy that coursed through him at the mere thought of her—that was different.

It was exhilarating and incredible and if they'd continued that kiss, he would have torn her apart. Ben could still feel it: a massive energy that threatened to break away from him. It begged release. He was practically vibrating with it.

A mischievous grin spread across his face. On this planet there would be no repercussions if he… liberated some of the dammed energy.

Rising, Ben placed a hand on the ceiling and leaned in closer to the frontage window, observing the desolate, white world just beyond the ship.

Yes, this would do perfectly.

He stepped back, positioning himself deliberately, eyes shut and arms slightly extended. Focusing once again on expanding his mind out, out, out further still, feeling nothing but stone and snow.

Then he reached for the energy. It was there, roiling just below the threshold of tolerance. Now that it was about to be freed, the energy seemed to shove at his restraints, seeking in gap in his defenses. Protecting the ship was almost more than he could accomplish as wave after wave of raw energy tore from his chest.

It bombarded the surrounding landscape. Columns of stone were annihilated and snow hurtled aside in a blast radius several parsecs wide.

When he fell to his knees, Ben realized he was screaming and the sound choked off abruptly. On all fours, panting, he ran a trembling hand through sweat-dampened hair as a laugh threatened to break free from his constricted throat.

It was wonderful! This release of pent up energy… but it wasn't enough. He shook his head, an ironic grin and a dry chuckle escaping him as he staggered to his feet.

Disregarding the fact that violent outbursts virtually never solved his problems, they were consistently satisfying. And, without consciously choosing to, he'd used both sides of the Force. It had felt incredible, natural. The clamoring roar of energy was now reduced to an ebbing buzz, still there, still threatening, but governable.

Easing back into the pilots seat, Ben groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face.

Never had he experienced a rush of power so great. It most certainty related to his submersion into both aspects of the Force but… did it have anything to do with his feelings for Rey?

Now he sighed, leaning forward, elbows on knees.

With no frame of reference, exploring these new feelings and abilities needed to be handled with care and patience. Not exactly his strong suit.

He inhaled slowly.

For her sake, and the sake of his sanity, he would have to try.

Carefully, slowly, closing his eyes, Ben opened his mind and extended his senses. This time, simply feeling the surrounding energy, allowing it to flow fluently around and through him.

.

.

.

The moment she entered the atmosphere, he knew. His consciousness flew to meet hers like a meteor caught in a stars gravitational pull.

He touched her mind gently, not letting his exuberance override caution. A radiant glow was her response to his careful probe and he felt his face light up in an answering smile. Sensing another through the Force was rarely distinct, coming into close physical proximity made it clearer, but Ben had never experienced the clarity he did when connected to Rey through the bridge.

Now though, the bridge was not connecting them, so his awareness was reduced to more normal parameters. Somewhat frustrating considering the clarity they'd been experiencing thus far.

And unless it connected them on it's own, it took a great deal of concentration and will to maintain the Force Bridge. With the exception of the brief period in which they had faced the Praetorian Guard, it seemed the bridge wasn't active when they were together.

The ship came into view and Ben was surprised at the quality of it. Used yet well maintained, it obviously had belonged to someone wealthy.

Her piloting became noticeably ginger when she approached the perimeter of destruction around his own ship. A sheepish grin snuck unto is his face as she finally landed some meters away. Embarrassment made his ears burn but all thought flew away at the sight of her.

Rapidly striding to his own ramp, he punched a sequence into the control panel and lowered it into the snow.

Treading down the metal in heavy winter boots, he took his first steps into the crunching snow, letting his gaze briefly sweep the horizon before landing on his counterpart. She was similarly paused on the ramp of her own ship, wind tearing at her thick clothing, pausing in her steps as he came into view.

Without thinking, Ben swept one arm up in a simple motion that, not only removed the deep snow in a direct line between him and Rey, but also condensed it, arching it, and created a massive, hollow tunnel connecting them.

Their gaze locked.

The hand that had been holding her hood in place lowered, revealing shiny brown hair, back in its costmary triple bun. She smiled widely, glancing down, testing the new grounds firmness, before she began racing towards him with bright, cheerful eyes.

Maybe he ate something bad earlier because it felt like there were maggots in his belly, squirming uncontrollably. She was so radiant. His legs moved forward without his permission and then she was there, really there in his arms. No words seemed good enough to express his relief.

He just stared down into her eyes while she beamed, giddy, warping her arms firmly around his waist.

"Hi," She said humorously, maybe testing if he was still capable of speech.

He wasn't.

A twitch of his lip was the only warning she got before he swooped down and captured her mouth in an exuberant kiss. The Force flared up around them in response, wind and snow arching wildly in the enclosed space.

Her face was pink from something other than cold when he pulled back and Ben felt a flare of pride. Having virtually no experience did nothing to discourage Ben's first foray into romance. And it was wonderfully reassuring to see notable signs of success.

He picked up her gloved hand, "Come."

A bubble of excitement surrounded them as he led her into his ship.

"All the supplies we'll need are here," He indicated two stacks of materials at a small workstation in the hull. "All that's left is the crystals."

"I have some materials of my own." She added, nodding in satisfaction as she picked up and inspected various parts.

His eyebrows rose, "You've done some research." It wasn't a question.

She glanced sidelong at him, setting a converter down. "Of course. The texts I have are very old, so I didn't have a reliable location for the Kyber and I couldn't leave the Resistance for long enough to search all the systems listed. But I have a good idea of what's need based on Master Skywlakers lightsaber."

The atmosphere in the ship darkened considerably as Ben's face turned stony and closed off. He couldn't help it.

Rey glanced down at the table, face resigned, as if she knew he would react that way at the mere mention of their former Master.

"So thank you for helping me… I couldn't have done this on my own." Her sincere, brown eyes came back up to meet his.

"You would have found a way." He responded with utter certainty and her face turned questioning as he brushed past her into the cockpit. Sitting down in the pilots seat, Ben activated a holo-map of the stone caverns they would be traversing.

He felt more than saw as Rey approach from behind.

"Here is were the main hub of crystals reside. And here is the only entrance." He gestured to the two points approximately six inches apart. Rey leaned forward to study the layout, eyes carefully searching for details, the blue glow lighting up her face like a Jedi of old.

Ben had to look away, teeth grinding, hands clenched.

"This will take more than a day…" Her eyes were engrossed, arms folded with a hand resting on her chin.

"I have everything we'll need." He said briskly, rising to his feat and transferring some of the database information, including the map, into a small device.

Feeling her careful Force probing as well as an assessing eye, Ben swiveled to catch her gaze. She didn't falter, surprising him with an unreadable expression, though he already knew she was worried about his cold attitude towards her.

Without warning he dropped to his knees in front of her. "Give me your boot."

"What?" She jerked back.

"Your boot… give it… to me." He held up an empty hand and she eyed him, suspiciously shifting her weight onto one foot and reaching for the other.

He lunged forward to grab her booted foot; startling her but not enough that she lost balance. _Of course she didn't_ , He thought, realizing belatedly that he wanted to unsettle her, make her lose that flawless control.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was lowered in firm accusation and he could see her stance was tense and ready and she was struggling not to kick him with the foot he'd snatched. It was the reaction of a fighter; someone who'd spent their life in hostile circumstances and he cursed himself for erroneously fancying her a girl.

She was so kind and gentle it was deceptively easy to forget.

She was a warrior.

And she was not about to be intimidated by his fumbling tactics.

He dropped her foot and raised his hands in a placating gesture.

"Your shoes sounded too light on the metal so I wanted to inspect them closer. They're decent for dry travel but not for melted snow, which is what we'll mostly be sloughing through." Ben rose to his feet and gestured behind him. "There's a coating we can apply to the material to make it more suitable."

She eyed him for a moment, tasting his feelings of remorse perhaps, before she relaxed out of her semi-crouch and nodded. Brushing past him to the work station were she easily found the compound he had mentioned

He was such a fool. How had he _thought_ that would go? That she would become uncertain and flustered, squeal and protest but only half-heartedly and he would get to see her blush.

Ben inhaled deeply, observing her back, starting to feel familiar frustration building up. They weren't children but Ben's only experience with flirtation was preadolescent!

She was just so good at everything. Even though he knew she had absolutely no experience in romantic interactions, she still seemed calm and confident around him. Yet he was so uncertain about how to proceed.

A part of him was jealous of her, he realized—her ease, her grace.

He would have to work on that too.

Ben sighed wearily, letting out a gust of air, head slumping forward.

 _Patience_.

There would be no certainty in down this path, not right away. He would just have to be open to the Force… and keep making mistakes with hopes of learning something from them.

First lesson: Rey was a warrior like himself and should be treated as such.

Coming to a conclusion like that made him feel more in control and satisfied, anger trickling away. Ben raised his head slowly.

If Rey had felt the chaotic ramblings of his emotions, she made no comment on it, striding back over with her earlier liveliness. She grinned up into his somewhat petulant face, seeming to understand without words.

"Are we ready now?"

* * *

 **Ice Caverns, Ilum**

Rey took the lead, surprised and flattered when Ben had offered her his red saber to melt the snow in front. He seemed to be behaving well now that they were traveling; maybe he got the awkwardness out of his system on the ship.

Rey grinned to herself. She could tell how hard he was trying, to be amiable, to be thoughtful, and the gesture made her heart rise up into her throat. It was just like him… to obliterate all her expectations and make an honest effort at cordiality.

"You got here quickly. I half expected you to show up in a Twi'lek puddle jumper." His deep, dry voice echoed in the cavernous passageway and Rey laughed.

"We haven't been idle. Every member of the Resistance is industrious and motivated. You'd have to restrain them with the Force to stop their determination." Rey realized how proud of them she was. Her family.

"So they stole a smuggling vessel. Inspiring." Ben's tart remark had her swiveling around, defensive.

"They did not! It was a trade." She protested righteously.

"You couldn't afford that ship even if you prostituted the entirety of the Resistance. And you didn't limp away from Crait with anything else of value." He shrugged as if stealing was the only solution.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. There was nothing she could assert here that wouldn't give away the Resistance position. And regardless of the blossoming relationship between them, Rey wasn't about to risk the lives of all those on Baskarn on an argument with Ben.

She grit her teeth and turned to slash the snow in front of her with a bit more force than necessary.

The truth was, in addition to all the extra pelts Rey had helped acquire; they had traded one of the Yrashu's hunting ships for the vessel she'd flown here. It was the nicest thing she'd ever touched, and to be frank, she was still feeling a bit guilty about having it.

"You're just jealous because mines prettier." She huffed out as they moved forward.

"It's true. First Order ships are built for economy not style… and they're hideous."

That startled a laugh from Rey. She glanced back at him and he quirked a brow, smirking lips reflecting the light of the red saber.

Ships. This was something they could talk about.

And they did.

Hours past happily discussing recent advances in both ground and space travel. Favorite models, handling preferences (Ben being oddly flustered for that part), and personal designs, Ben turned out to be a stimulating and thoughtful conversation partner.

And he didn't belittle her if she hadn't heard of a particular new model or had incomplete knowledge about the latest systems.

After that, Rey had extended her left hand out behind her in a silent invitation and the two had been happily clasping hands ever since.

Now they walked in amiable silence, occasionally bringing up the map and deliberating on the next direction together.

Even though Ben had been here before it was only once and some time ago, and apparently the cave system had changed dramatically since his previous excursion.

"It's part of the old legends. But really it's just the caves expanding and contracting due to atmospheric pressure shifts." Rey was picturing a young Ben crouched over a holo-pad, determined to unravel the secrets of this planet.

"You're not far off," And she startled when she realized he had seen the image. A tiny quirk of his lip told her he found it amusing and she smiled sheepishly.

"I was the same. Wrecks almost always contain a few discarded data-pads, and even though they were worth more than most of what I scavenged, I hard a hard time giving them up."

This time, he sent her an image. A visualization of Rey, younger, dwarfed by the hull of the ship she was curled up in, feverishly reading through a stack of data-pads.

She chuckled, glancing back to smile at him, "Close. But I never had that many at a time. I would read as much as I could and usually have to sell them within the first few days. It's too dangerous possessing something of value like that."

Ben said nothing but she could feel indignation billowing off him like steam. _What is he fuming about now_?

"What are your favorite things to read?" She asked to get them back on a safe topic. Dropping his hand to wield the saber with two as they came across a particularly large ice boulder.

Although, maybe it wasn't that safe… the feelings wafting off Ben now were muddled and dark. They walked together in silence for a while and Rey was contemplating what subjects would be safe for them when Ben spoke up again.

"I used to love stories about the Old Republic, in the time before the Jedi." His deep, deliberate voice was captivating and almost hypnotic in this enclosed, subterranean world. "Then Force users were unpredictable, chaotic and dangerous. At least, that's how the annals present them. Uncultured ruffians who desperately and unknowingly craved the Jedi Order to bring meaning and direction to their savage lives." Ben scoffed. "Unadulterated historical bias. Some desired more structure, it's true, but most were free souls who accomplished extraordinary feats without the rigidity or constraints that the Order preached."

Rey didn't say a word. She was occupied processing this novel information.

"They exist, few though they may be. Accurate records of the time before the Jedi" At once sounding both bitter and wistful, Rey couldn't help but turn to observe his expression. It reminded her of looking up at the stars from the Jakku sands and imagining a different world, a better world.

Rey halted and reached for his hand again.

"Well, now it's the time after the Jedi. And maybe together, we can do something different." Ben raised his shaggy brows at her in question.

"No more Jedi, no more Sith. Maybe, if people want, we can make both philosophies public knowledge and learn both ourselves, deciding which parts we agree with and which we don't." This seemed like the natural solution to Rey but Ben's face took on an unreadable expression.

"That could be very dang—"

Both spun their heads sharply to the right as a low rumble sounded through the small space. The wall was perceptibly vibrating, a light powdering of snow shimmering down in waves.

Without a verbal command they both turned to dash forward, using the Force to plow through the slush ahead. They ran, blasting snow in every direction and soon had to angle their bodies sideways to get through thin spots as the ominous rumble grew louder and closer.

The duo had left the large, cavernous spaces long ago and was now squeezing through a narrow but immensely lofty corridor. Snow flew into Rey's eyes and down her neck but she was used to minute particles harassing her. Ben had it worse, he was behind and closer to the grinding, deafening roar that cold only be cruiser-sized boulders toppling over one another.

Rey turned a corner and thrust her outstretched hands into the wall, shoving off violently to propel herself forward with a grunt.

They pushed faster as pebbles began to rain down, ducking and sprinting and breaking up snow but Rey could hardly hear Ben's pants over the cacophony and she knew they were barely keeping ahead of it.

Maybe he was thinking the same thing because she felt him grind to an abrupt halt. Looking back in shock, Rey saw his firm, deliberate stance, raising his arms towards the danger, tumbling boulders breaking through the walls just beyond his feet.

Then, in a massive display of power, Ben halted the forward momentum of the rock.

It was as though an invisible barrier had risen up at his command, the stone that collided with it becoming floating and still. Then it began to fall, directed by Ben's hands back the way they'd come instead. Rey belatedly joined it, erecting a towering stone fortification that would direct the slide away from what remained of the passage even after they'd gone.

Ben lowered his arms panting.

"That was amazing!" Rey exclaimed. Despite all her recent experiences, she was still in awe at the power of the Force. And to see Ben do something that wasn't evil with it…? Amazing.

Unexpectedly, he reached out and cradled her cheek in his hand, deep brown eyes warm and honest.

"It's something I learned from you." He said with a small, endearing grin.

Rey's eyes pooled with salt water as a warm bubble of happiness spilled into her chest. Lunging forward, she brought their lips together in a fervent kiss.

He responded immediately. Bringing his arms around her in a snug hold while she stroked his cheek lovingly. Warmth rose between them as the kiss built up a passion and intensity that had been lingering within them since the moment she'd landed.

Ben squeezed, making her frame rise up slightly, pulling their bundled bodies as close as possible. Through the thick folds of their winter gear every touch felt muted and indistinct and the space between them impossible to breach.

Rey become completely lost when Ben skillfully teased her mouth with his tongue, just as she'd done to him before.

Insistent pressing at the seam of her lips had Rey automatically parting them and without further ado, his tongue delved in, eager and exploratory. She gasped, fire lacing up from her belly. Why were they wearing so many layers? It was too hot in here. Rey felt stifled.

Unexpected desperation to feel him with bare skin blotted out any hesitancy she may have had. Rey ripped off her gloves and burrowed free hands into his tousled hair, stroking, tugging and exploring with relish. Ben groaned against her lips and she, elated, immediately pressed the advantage, darting her tongue in and teasing the roof of his mouth.

A kind of frantic intensity seemed to take over him and he pushed her back into the wall, warm gasping breath spilling onto her neck as he pressed provocatively into her. There was a bit of inexperienced fumbling as he lavished attention on the sensitive skin between her shoulders and jaw.

Gasping, Rey couldn't manage to hold still while that was happening so she grasped at his long, dark hair and tugged firmly back, exposing the white flesh of his neck to her wandering lips.

She could hear his chaotic breathing above and then, sharply, something falling!

Instinct took over and they both dived to the side, still clutched in the other's arms as innumerable small pebbles fell from above. It was a small, brief slide probably caused by the aftershocks of the larger one. The two Force users lay side by side and watched as the rain of debris petered out to a fine dusting of eddying snow.

Their eyes met, and a slow grin spread across Rey's face, then a giggle escaped, then a laugh. Ben's answering chuckle was deep and amused as he watched her collapse into a fit. To Rey, the whole situation was wickedly ironic and consequently hilarious.

Here they were, the galaxies last powerful Force users, so busy kissing they were almost taken out by some pebbles.

Shaking his head with a grin, Ben sat up on one elbow and pulled out the holo-map as she wiped a tear from her eye.

His face became calculating and then he turned to her in excitement.

"We're close."

* * *

AN: I really wanted to get into some more 'normal' aspects of their relationship this chapter. I thought it was important but sorry if it wasn't as exciting. As always, feedback is welcome!


	9. Chapter 9

**Ice Caverns, Ilum**

The grotto was aglow and Rey was warm in his arms.

Snuggled together on the ground, surrounded by softly luminescent Kyber, the Jedi had drifted off quickly. But being in this unbelievable, ethereal position had Ben's eyes wide open and staring, struggling to comprehend the peaceful flame that burned steady in his chest.

It was resolution unlike anything he'd ever known, this partnership with Rey. Every moment they were together, the anger and fear eased, allowing room for love and trust to grow.

He tried to remain realistic. Even if he and Rey were able to compromise and even if they were able to trust, the road ahead was fraught with difficulty for the most skilled of diplomats.

But thoughts like that were hard to take seriously when nestled against the most enthralling woman he'd ever met. The idea that someone could inspire him to change, would consider him a friend, maybe even a lover, that he in turn would trust them… it was implausible. Until recently, it was a fantastical idea.

Not worth thinking about. Not even a remote possibility in his life.

Except now it was reality.

Now the way he felt about Rey brought up a whole host of contingencies for the future. Would they be able to work together? What did she want for the future?

Did she feel as strongly about him as he felt about her?

Rey's chest rose and fell in a deep breath and Ben looked down into her peaceful face, hand unconsciously coming up to stroke her cheek. The cloaks they'd worn were draped over them, a pair of bedrolls beneath and the two packs serving as pillows. Ironically, looking at the source of his questions allowed him to let them flow away, into the welcoming swirl of the Force.

Those were issues to be addressed when and if they arose.

Ben shifted, sliding down to press his chest into her back and curl an arm around her taut waist, struggling to find some position wherein he could hold her yet still retain feeling in both arms. Finally, slightly disgruntled, he settled down. Nestling his nose into soft, wavy hair, it's pleasant scent calming, sending him into a dreamless sleep.

.

.

.

"Ben!" A burst of light flashed behind Ben's closed eyes, a tremble reaching him through the Force.

His eyes flew open, Rey's glowing face snapping into focus. It took a moment for him to get over the fact that he had woken up to a beautiful, ecstatic woman.

"I felt it calling out to me in a dream, look! It's light is still pulsing. Can I assemble the blade now?"

Ben shook out the hair that had fallen into his eyes as he sat up and inspected the clear, pulsing crystal held aloft in Rey's hands. It was giving all the correct sings of accepting its new wielder and what's more, it was massive.

"This is enough for two blades." A depiction solidified in his mind of her brandishing a double-bladed staff. It was quite fitting.

Rey's forehead wrinkled, "We didn't bring enough materials to construct two."

"That's fine. It needn't be done now. So long as you're not taking it from here against its will, which judging by the light pulsing I'd say you're not, it will be fine to wait until we get back to the ship." He stood and moved over to the cave wall and crouched done to examine his own lightsaber. "I just thought we'd bring the materials so you had something to do while I try to communicate with my own blade."

Rey stepped forward curiously. "What are you going to do?"

"I… I want to give it a choice this time. Continue to inhabit my blade, freely, or remain here where it came from." Folding his body down into a lotus position, Ben's eyes drifted shut again and maybe Rey could sense the gravity of the circumstance because she didn't ask any more questions. He heard her move off, the quiet sounds of her packing up their things becoming further and further away.

Then Ben fell into the ever-changing tide of the Force.

Unexpectedly, he wasn't there long.

When he came back to his body it was trembling. Sensing his return, Rey was by his side in an instant. "What happened?"

If the pain wasn't obvious on his face she could no doubt feel it through the Force. He turned away, unwilling to face her, unwilling to reveal the depth of his crime.

She didn't push him. Rey sat back on her haunches and waited.

Practicing his breathing, Ben spent the next five minutes simply inhaling and exhaling. Coming to terms with his decision.

"The crystal… It's old." He finally said, still not looking at her. "And it's been abused for so long, it can't remain here without corrupting its brothers. So… it will continue to fuel my blade." He couldn't stop the angry termers.

The horrible truth behind Sith blades wasn't news to him. He'd knowingly exploited and manipulated the crystal for years… but damn it... he was trying to make it right now!

He couldn't change the past but he'd hoped moving forward that things could be different… Ben's hands curled into tight fists on his knees. He knew how it felt to be used, controlled, subjugated, and now… to respect the last shred of this life forms identity, he would have to continue on with that horrible legacy.

Reaching out, he curled his shaky fingers around the hilt of the saber.

Only this time, there was a pulse in the Force.

The blade felt different, lighter. There was a twinge, the equivalent of a knowing smile, and the crystal calmed at his touch. Ben's jaw dropped in shock. In all previous instances, the picking up of the lightsaber had induced a furious battle of wills between himself and the crystal, both grappling for control.

But now, for the first time in a decade, Ben was holding a blade that accepted his soul.

He almost dropped it.

Through the vague and fleeting sensations he could pick up from the crystal, by far the most dominant was wiry amusement. It had read his soul and now deemed him worthy of seceding to. Deviously prolonging Ben's distress in the process.

He hadn't been duped like that in a long time.

Feeling young and vulnerable, Ben laughed in pure relief, clutching the familiar blade to his chest like a long lost friend.

"Umm… Ben?" Rey's questioning voice and raised brows brought him back to the moment. Behind her, he could see the bags packed and ready, then Rey's anxious yet patient face fully engaged him the moment. Her glowing, perfect face, he wanted to kiss her so badly. Instead, he stood abruptly, throwing on a bag and reaching for her hand, energy threatening to explode out of him if they held still.

"I'll explain while we walk."

* * *

 **First Order Shuttle, Ilum**

The last few hours had been filled with an almost manic energy as Ben led at a break neck pace. Rey didn't mind though, it was interesting to push her physical boundaries in a variety of climates.

And the walk back had been graciously free of avalanches, though they did stumble upon some rather vicious, rat-bat-wolf creatures. Both of them were sporting a few scratches, the sting from the small, needle like claws lingering for hours.

"There'll be a well stocked med kit on my ship." Ben announced, panting, after they'd either scared off or killed most of the pack.

He was disheveled. The way the man fought was like a dirt devil, spinning wildly into one opponent, and then hurtling on to the next without pause. They were both slightly winded but Rey couldn't help grinning at his wheezing, sweaty form.

The dark warrior gave it all, regardless of the enemy. Rey could respect that.

But it was also inexplicably endearing.

Flicking damp hair out of his eyes, Ben deactivated the now gold-orange hued lightsaber.

It was shocking at first to both of them. Two halves of the creature falling slowly on other side of the stable, brilliantly light blade causing both to pause for a moment, absorbing the remarkable change.

But it made sense. Now that Ben had the full cooperation and allegiance of the Kyber crystal within his blade, it shone with a different color.

According to the texts Rey had read, saber color was entirely dependent on the wielders personality, a literal rainbow of possible shades.

"Do you know what that color means?" Rey asked after they'd finished, propping up her staff to lean against, still panting.

Ben pursed his lips, contemplating the hilt.

"No"

Lie.

The first lie he'd told her.

Rey opened her mouth with a frown, ready to confront him about it but then she hesitated. What if it's too personal? Would she want to explain that her blade color meant fear… or pain? Abandonment?

She closed her mouth again, moving past him into the dark tunnel with their portable lamp held aloft.

If he didn't want to share that was his choice.

"Well let's hope we don't run into those things again." She said just to say something and Ben followed her silently into the dark.

.

.

.

Ben seemed agitated as they paced, nervous energy radiating off him in infectious waves. It had Rey shooting glances at him and their surroundings. But there was nothing to see. For hours they marched in tense silence until Rey realized that this sporadic warrior was now her friend and partner. She could just _ask_ him.

"What's got you so antsy?"

His eyes suddenly found the rock to the right of her ear absorbing.

"Nothing." He shrugged.

The second lie.

This time she didn't back down. She raised a speculative eyebrow at him and waited.

His deep, probing eyes met hers with zero emotional communication or openness, only a blank wall.

"You know, you don't owe me an explanation… but you could share what you're feeling." Rey suggested bluntly.

Again, Ben's eyes found the wall, as if looking at her was trying or painful. There was even a slight grimace on his face. "I will." He answered without looking at her. "I will once I understand what… once I can articulate… _this_. "He gestured helplessly at his chest. "I'll share it with you." His eyes locked with hers again and she could feel his sincere frustration. Frustration he felt for himself. Rey nodded. She knew what it felt like to not understand ones own emotional state.

Like the odd lingering heat that blossomed in her chest when his probing eyes remained fixed too long on hers.

Rey understood this was a generous promise for him to make and she found herself satisfied despite its ambiguity. Plus, his dark eyes were intent upon her again and she found with increasing frequency that his gaze held all sorts of promises.

She nodded with a gulp, "I understand, thank you." But there was so much she didn't understand. For some reason her gloved palms were sweating and the air felt to close.

Rey saw the hint of a curl form on Ben's lips as he took up the path again and she wondered if he'd made her feel that way on purpose.

.

.

.

The wind ripped at her luxurious down coat as the two shuttles came into view. Well, his was a shuttle. Hers was a posh smuggling vessel. Rey shook her head to herself at the dramatic change in fortune she'd had over the last few months. Guilt writhing in her belly at the thought of her friends, including the Yrashu, and all the work they'd done to supply and enable this trip.

It was a continual example for her, their generosity, their kindness. It made her want to strive to achieve a level of altruism where no deed was too great.

And so it was a simple matter to be patient with Ben. No matter his erratic behavior.

He was struggling with something, she could tell. Tension stiffened his broad shoulders, cords on his neck protruding slightly, his expressive and often forlorn eyes darting away from Rey's after the briefest contact.

His dark wavy locks seemed perpetually dampened around his face, giving him the look of a laborer, hard pressed at his job. She pictured him in the hollowed out tunnels of an ancient star-destroyer, maybe holding hands with her as they uncovered useful fragments.

Rey shook her head. What a silly fantasy.

The ramp to his shuttle lowered with a simple command from the key he'd carried with him. Ships weren't usually locked this way but Rey supposed things would be different for a Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Striding up the ramp, Rey threw back her hood with a content sigh, the stillness of the ship a welcome contrast to the howling wind.

"Make you're self at home," Ben said, gesturing to the workstation. "I imagine you'll want to get right to it." Lips twitching, his gaze once again caught hers before flicking away. Exasperation with his behavior was completely overshadowed by the fact that he was right, she was dying to start. A grin slowly grew to dominate her features and Ben smirked.

Turning to head into another part of the ship, he called out over his should. "I'll make us something real to eat."

But Rey didn't hear him. She was already running through a detailed lightsaber diagram she committed to memory a week ago and comparing that to the parts before her. Then she recalled the construction of Luke's saber in addition to Ben's and cross-referenced the data from the Jedi manuscripts with what's been clearly effective in combat.

Next she dug into an inner pocket to retrieve the schematics she'd devised with various possible lightsaber models, analyzing them with a critical eye.

Double-bladed sabers weren't even mentioned in the texts but theoretically the construction wouldn't be that divergent from Ben's oversized single blade or some of the old elongated Jedi blades.

Finally, Rey decided on a conglomerate saber construction that would be larger than anything she'd ever seen. It was ambitious but doable. Excitement took over her world as Rey began construction of her own lightsaber.

* * *

 **First Order Shuttle, Ilum**

It wouldn't have taken long to whip up something edible but Ben wanted the first meal they shared together to be… special. Grimacing at his own foolishness, the dark warrior set to work in the shuttle's small excuse for a kitchen.

The ship had been prepped with a variety of goods. Imagining that a half-starved scavenger probably wasn't picky, Ben had simply requested an assorted bunch of fresh and rare foods. Colorful fruits and vegetables littered the counter while dark noodles softened in a boiling pot and meat from an animal he had never heard of stewed in the oven.

Ben took his time to get everything right. There was no rush; he knew Rey would take at least an hour to assemble the blade to her satisfaction.

He hoped it would be a double-blade. The idea of Rey wielding such a powerful weapon caused a headier wave of heat to wash over him than when he'd prematurely opened the oven door earlier.

The mind-numbing task of cutting things was doing nothing to distract from him from his uninhibited imagination. Damn that woman… even when she wasn't around he could still see her.

 _Rey smiling back at him with his blade in her hands… Rey assertive and powerful, fighting back those creatures with nothing but a staff…_

"Oh!" That brought his musings, and his chopping, to a halt.

The small scratches littering their bodies, he had forgotten to tend to those. And no doubt Rey's injuries were more numerous as she'd been fighting with a dull weapon.

But then... she'd already started on the blade. Even if he did interrupt her now, she would refuse to stop the construction and rightly so. It was a precise art and should be handled with care and exactitude.

Ben resumed cutting the odd purple vegetable, contemplating the assorted antiseptics he should apply to wounds inflicted by rodents.

There was a particular cut on her neck that would need to be addressed…

There had been a cut on her arm, that day in the throne room. She had been so close to taking his hand, he knew it, but he was glad that she didn't. He never would have come to her this way if she hadn't stood her ground for the people she cared about.

Out of all the truths Ben knew about Rey, her devotion to loved ones was the thing that captivated him the most. It was simultaneously her greatest strength and weakness. It was responsible for both her self-imposed exile on Jakku and her victory over him on Starkiller base.

An enigma, that girl, she drew out the same duality in him. He wanted to simultaneously run towards and away from her. Gently caress her and challenge her to a brawl. The idea of them dueling together increased the temperature in the room by several degrees.

 _Rey wielding his blade… the way she'd felt laying in his arms, the suggestion of her slender hips through the thick blue coat, her alluring aroma: a beguiling combination of earthy scents and the rich tang of oil and metal…_

Not to mention the soothing, gentle touch of her mind, which would caress him as auspicious and fleeting as a winter flower. She was quickly driving his senses crazy.

But how was he supposed to tell her that? "Sorry but being around you is at once the most agonizing and the most incredible joy I've ever experienced?"

That didn't even make sense to him.

The water in the pot behind him began to boil over and as he turned the temperature down, he felt an elated pulse of energy come from Rey.

It was finished then.

Ben hurriedly took the meat out of the oven, where it had been ready and steaming for the last few minutes, while he simultaneously strained the dark brown noodles through direct concentration of the Force.

He could both hear and sense her approach as she strode down the metal hallway. She was beaming; a large hilt grasped in her deft fingers.

"It's perfect." She announced jubilantly, holding it up for his inspection over the counter.

Carefully plucking it's weight out of her hands, Ben marveled at the craftsmanship. She must have already had a design prepared because the construction was both flawlessly elegant and efficient. He shot her a questioning look, thumb poised over the activation switch and she nodded with a smile.

Ben ignited the blade and a silvery-grey light washed over the room, mirroring impeccably the glow in Rey's own soul. He let it sit there for a moment, unabashedly observing her across the twin blades and her eyes embodied deep pools he could lose himself in.

"You're right," He stated, deactivating the blade. "It is perfect." He stood and circled the counter to hand the heavy hilt back to her and she took it with a sunny grin.

"The handling will take some getting used to but I certainly wont mind the practice," She confidently hefted it's weight before clipping it to her belt. Ben's eyes followed the line of her waist, now free of the coat, and up to the injury at her neck.

"We should deal with this," He said carefully placing his index and pointer finger on her collarbone.

"Oh!" Her hand flew up to the shallow cut and came away red. "I completely forgot about those. You have a few too." She lifted a hand to stroke the shell of his ear near where he assumed a cut was.

The kitchen was hot. Being around her made it ten times worse but he couldn't move his feet. Ben absentmindedly ran his fingers up the side of her neck and was rewarded with her slight intake of breath and parted lips. He felt her soft wandering fingers find their way to the skin of his forehead before her digits combed back his thick locks with satisfying slowness. Ben's eyes drifted shut involuntarily. It was such a soothing action but it intensified the heat nonetheless. A second hand came up to rest on his chest and someone on Jakku could probably hear his heartbeat.

"I made food." He choked out past a dry throat, eyes still shut.

"It smells wonderful." He could her the smile in her voice but her hands didn't pull away. He had to break the spell, he had to, or they'd never see to their injuries.

Infection was a serious issue.

Ben's eyes flicked open reluctantly. "We should tend to these cuts properly, then eat before it gets cold."

Her beautiful, graceful neck was still in his hand and her beautiful, cheerful smile was till in place.

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

AN: OOOhh! Things are gonna get spicy!

Shout out to DamnGina (couldn't PM ya): Thanks so much for the review! It really rejuvenated my spirit for this chapter. For that scene I wanted to play on people's expectations for common "new couple" tropes, as these guys are far from typical. Glad you noticed J


	10. Chapter 10

Warning: This chapter (and several after) contains explicit sexual content.

Because, REYLO!

 **First Order Shuttle, Ilum**

A sharp hiss escaped Rey as antiseptic was applied to a particularly nasty cut on her upper left shoulder blade. The creature's claw had cut right through the thick strap of her tight, under wrappings, leaving a loose flap of material hanging above her left breast. That would need mending later. Glancing over her bare shoulder, Rey noted the deeply concentrated warrior tending to her wound.

"You'll have to leave the area bare so the healing gel has time to do its work." He instructed briskly moving around front and she nodded, sitting up straighter on the kitchen stool. His eyes zeroed in on her neck. "Any more besides this?"

"Just the two on my hand." Rey held up her left index finger, which had twin parallel incisions. He nodded, professionally dousing a small swab with antiseptic, before gingerly grasping both her hands in his large warm ones. Rey sat still, watching curiously, as he deliberately ran his long, dampened fingers over her knuckles, between her digits, her palm, thoroughly cleansing the area.

An odd, coiling tension contracted in her belly at his touch.

They said nothing as he worked. Occasionally, his eyes would dart up to meet hers and a flash of something hungry and eager could be seen there. But the next second it was gone and he would be dutifully attending her hands again.

It was fairly surreal being fussed over by the tall, brooding Force user. He was very particular and careful as he worked, focused, intent. Monosyllabic responses like "soon" or "later" were all she got when the question of his scratches was brought up.

Finally, he finished with her hands. The absence of his attention there sent a wash of longing tingles up her arms.

Squinting, Ben leaned in and Rey obligingly tilted her chin up and to the left, allowing him better access to the short cut just above her collarbone. Eyes resolutely fixed on his task, Ben gently swabbed the area with a pad dampened by antiseptic.

Rey was nothing like a doctor, the chemicals they were using were quite foreign to her, but she had been attending to her own, numerous, injuries since childhood and was reasonably certain he was being overly prudent.

Her heel tapped a speedy tempo against the stool when a careless finger trailed over the exposed skin at her neck, leaving a line of gooseflesh in its wake.

Once, she had even found an extremely helpful medical guide, containing basic information on all dominant species in the galaxy. Naturally, she'd gone straight for useful information on her own species, spending an unheard of four days with the valuable piece of technology. This helped give her a firm base on the basic conditions, nutritional requirements and abilities for her species.

Apparently closer inspection was needed, because she could feel the delicate ghosting of his breath on her skin, his mouth floating mere inches from her neck. _The area could dry without blowing on it!_ She thought in exasperation as a shiver traveled down her spine.

Ben was human too. He must have had a far more substantial education about medical practices than she, so there had to be a good reason for his dragging the process out.

Perhaps he was simply trying to be chivalrous? Gentle?

If so, she did _not_ appreciate it.

An unreasonable amount of tension was spreading through her body, like a noxious weed, contorting and seizing her muscles with no indication of letting up.

"Ben I think it's your turn." She said abruptly, jumping off the stole. If she was pressed, Rey might have said she saw a pleased smirk in his eye before it was quickly replaced by his professional physician attitude.

"I'm not finished with you yet." He turned to face her, low voice playful, their bodies too close.

Rey rolled her eyes, hands on hips "What's left then? Our dinner's getting cold."

"You'll know when I'm done." He said simply and with annoying vagueness, a smile threatening at his lips.

Rey huffed, staring back at his impassive expression with all the force she could muster. Waiting for him to falter.

He didn't budge.

Another forceful exhale signaled Rey's yielding and she tilted her chin up in silent consent for Ben to continue. A small grin lit up his face as he brought the gel back up to her skin. Cupping her neck with his right hand as he slowly spread the gel in with the other.

Teeth grinding, Rey kept her eyes trained over his shoulder, trying hard to control the tempo of her heartbeat as his warm hand pressed into her bare skin.

 _Focus. Deep, even breathing_. She chanted to herself.

Certainly not thinking about how he'd held her hands earlier, carefully washing them, his dark, penetrating eyes fixed on her skin… The way he fought… dynamic movement and flowing muscle… the same muscle that was bared before her now.

When she'd entered the kitchen earlier it had been quite warm and Ben had been understandably stripped down to a tight undershirt, with thick bands that ended before his deltoid. This of course, left the full expanse of both toned arms open for her inspection.

At the time it hadn't really affected her, now however, with both so intimately and closely presented, it was becoming increasingly more difficult not to notice his unadulterated strength.

The hand stilled on her neck. He moved closer.

Her breathing stalled as he brought his mouth to the sensitive skin just below her ear, brushing the area lightly with his lips.

"Hungry?" He whispered, their bodies so close she could feel heat emitting from him.

Rey swallowed hard. "Not so hungry that I'd forget about your injury."

She understood now. He was teasing her. It was another battle of sorts.

He pulled back with a provocative smirk, "Of course."

Maintaining his too close position, he leaned down close to her chest, making her heart jump, only to pause without touching her and come back up with the disinfectant.

She shook her head, plucking the bottle from his hands; he was way too good at this.

Turning the bottle over to dampen the cotton swab, she reached up and began applying the disinfectant to his ear, determinedly not meeting his mischievous, probing gaze.

"At least I'm not alone in my admiration."

It took a moment for that to sink in. Her eyes jumped up to meet his.

Is that why he was acting this way? Teasing her, testing her to see if she was attracted to him?

"Well of course you're not!" She slammed the disinfectant down and grabbed the gel. "I thought that was obvious before!"

Ben grasped onto her upper arm, halting her movement, eyes interrogative. "Are you sure that you feel the same? Because I'm not so sure you do. Do you know how I feel about you? Do you understand what you're getting into, Rey?"

"Don't patronize me." She said uncompromisingly, not struggling in his grip. "I've been in the world long enough to know what happens next. Unless you have some untold interspecies parentage I don't know about, human sexual interactions aren't that complicated."

"This isn't just about sex! It's about us, the bridge. We have no idea what could happen next." His breathing was heavy, eyes bright.

"No, we don't." She agreed quietly, a calming admission. "We I don't understand this fully yet…" She realized, gesturing to them both.

"But I'm willing to try… with you." She said this as more of a request, an invitation for him to join her in the unknown.

His hands dropped away from her arms, calmer, an ironic tilt entering his voice. "Partners in ignorance then."

Rey gave a snort and a shaky laugh. "Partners"

She reached up to finish with his ear and the whole room seemed to ease, the air more breathable and the space between them no longer oppressive. Stepping back, she attentively inspected the rest of him, finding no more scratches.

"Finally time to enjoy that delicious smelling meal you made," She said with a smile.

Instead of answering with his signature smirk, Ben reached for her, eyes blazing with barely restrained urgency, brining their lips together.

He kissed her long and slow, dragging his lips across hers and rubbing their noses together. It was gentle and sweet and everything Rey could hope for in a kiss.

She reached up eagerly, wrapping her hand around his neck and pulling him more firmly to her, pressing up with her lips and moving with him. A hand snaked around her waist, pulling them flush together and Rey let flow all the energy from earlier, allowing it to help her discover exactly how one pleases another with a kiss.

A groan escaped him as she enthusiastically explored his mouth, tugging at his lips and flicking her tongue against his. He reached down and grasped her thigh, assertively hooking it around his hip and pressing himself against her.

A tiny gasp escaped her at the pressure of _that,_ unyielding and firm, pressing on her abdomen.

Then a lugubrious and prolonged growl from Ben's stomach interrupted her concentration. He moved to put his mouth on hers again but she pulled away smiling.

"We can't let your dinner go to waste."

"Yes we can." Ben growled, frowning impatiently. But Rey just shook her head and he groaned dramatically, burying his face in her chest and nuzzling there, mumbling obscenities.

Rey laughed in delight. "We have plenty of time. Come on! Let's eat."

Grimacing in disappointment, Ben let her stand and lead him by the hand around the counter of the kitchen area.

Rey observed the colorful display with hungry eyes and eagerly helped him carry a few things before they settled down to eat. It was the most luxurious meal Rey had ever had and she said so, several times, oohing and awing over the flavor and variety. Ben smiled indulgently but was still piteously put out about the interruption and didn't contribute much to the conversation.

Rey just kept grinning. Food was too much of a luxury to pass up flippantly and the meal gave her plenty of time to formulate a plan.

Knowing where they stood emotionally gave her a confidence to be bold for the physical part of their romantic interactions. Luckily, she had plenty of resources to draw knowledge from.

Growing up reading any holo-pad she came across meant that from a young age the scavenger was introduced to the galaxies most prominent form a of media: porn. It was not particularly inventive reading and soon Rey would simply glance them over and sell them the same day. And of course, most if it was inapplicable to her because it included a variety of other species and their varied anatomy. But the mechanics of human sex, its intricacies, and even some important hygienic practices, all became familiar to her over the years, despite that fact that she'd never participated in the act herself.

So as Ben made a rather pathetic attempt at civility, Rey was mentally cataloging all the realistic scenarios she knew and picking which ones seemed the most appropriate for the two of them. Of course, she would have to pay him back for the teasing he'd done to her earlier. Grinning deviously, she wolfed down her meal and hopped up to store the unused ingredients away.

"My ship has a rather… opulent sleeping set up, would you like to spend the night over there?" She asked coyly, watching him from the corner of her eye as she placed the last item in the cooling compartment.

The drastic change on his face, from dreary to enthusiastic in an instant, provoked another happy laugh from her.

Then he stood and his gaze smoldered with unhindered heat, causing her belly to drop down and her throat to constrict.

"I'd love to." He replied cordially, deep voice more alluring than she'd ever noticed before and it was his turn to smile, at her obvious reaction to his flirtation.

She glanced away, flushed, before gathering her resolve and shooting him a challenging glance as she headed for the ramp.

As the dark snow and windy air were revealed, Rey felt the hilt of her new weapon bounce against her hip. Encouragement seemed to hum from it and Rey felt assured and content as she strode through the snow to her ship, Ben following closely behind. Once inside, the lights flickered on and the ramp closed behind them, Rey shot Ben a dazzling smile. They were both shivering from the cold as she'd pressed out into the night without her coat and he had not hesitated to follow.

Unconsciously, they moved closer together.

"How long does this gel need to set properly?" She asked quietly, standing so close she could feel the heat radiating off him like sand in the sun.

"It should already be done." He answered just as lowly, his lips barely a handbreadth from her own.

"Good. Then we have time for a sonic shower." She said briskly, stepping back with a huge grin. And this time he smirked back, consenting to her playful attitude and allowing her to lead him to the private quarters.

The area had efficient, grey wall cupboards and an unnecessarily large bed draped with black, grey and orange sheeting. Rey moved past that into the adjourning water closet, which had three different excessive modes of water usage that she would be indulging in tonight. Attached to her hand, Ben stayed close as a shadow and shut the door behind them.

Their hands fell apart, her back was to him for an quiet moment—a held breath.

Then she kicked of her shoes and loosened the wrappings around her torso letting them fall to the ground. Struggling to maintain her confidence, she quickly shucked the lower layers and jumped into the shower compartment without once looking at him. The water turned on and the door slid shut automatically at her entrance.

Her breathing was shallow as the once scavenger struggled to stifle the feelings of panic and unexpected fear compressing her throat. Why was she reacting like this? Ben was right there, he would think this was because of him but she knew it wasn't.

It was just…

Physical vulnerability like this was nothing she'd ever dealt with before.

"Rey… I can sense you're anxiety." Ben's voice was uncharacteristically tentative. She could see his shadow through the distorted glass pane.

"Nothing like this needs to happen now… We can go to sleep like we did last night… Nothing needs to happen. Not until you're ready." He repeated with inexplicable gentleness.

And nothing could have solidified her desire to continue more than his honest and comforting entreaties. Being naked wasn't hazardous if she was in the presence of a trustworthy soul.

Rey turned off the water and opened the door.

She stood still and calm, letting him see all of her, "I suppose it's reasonable for there to be some aspects of this I'm not mentally prepared for." This admission had him gazing solidly into her eyes. Rey held out her hand for him, bright eyes resolute, no longer cloudd by fear. "But I'm still ready to try."

Ben took her right hand in his left and gently pulled her towards him, bringing up the other hand to stroke her cheek, eyes penetrating, mind probing. Most likely searching for any reservations or doubt.

He didn't find any.

"Rey," he murmured achingly before pulling her into a deep and passionate kiss. He pulled her off the ground, sucked her tongue into his mouth then drove his into hers, ran his hands over her uncovered body. It was overwhelming, and dazzling and wonderful, and when he set her down Rey was lightheaded and gasping.

Similarly panting, Ben pressed his forehead to Rey's, their gaze locking and somehow managing to contain a tumult of love, passion, tenderness and desire.

Then the damn broke.

Their lips crashed roughly together in a mad scramble, each wanting to deliver pleasure to the other without the patience or insight for subtlety. Ben's larger frame drove Rey into the wall of the shower compartment and the water came on, soaking them instantly. She gasped, trying to remove his sodden shirt but he took her face in his hands and capably angled it to intensify the stirring sensations that began as his tongue traveled all along the borders of her mouth.

It was electrifying, shocking, and Rey shoved him back, trying to recover some faculties and intent on getting his shirt off because they were in the shower and it should be off and not because she was impatient to see his bare, glistening skin again.

But when she reached for him he took another step back out of the shower, dampened hair falling into his smirking eyes, and whipped the wet shirt off himself, stunning her for a moment.

He was just as perfect as she remembered.

The water drowned out all sound. And her vision seemed to take over supplying all sensory sensation as crystal sharp imagery. The rapid rise and fall in her chest became the only evidence of her larboard breathing as Ben's hands settled on the waist of his pants.

Grinning deviously, he leisurely slid the loose pants down his hips, savoring her reaction as his manhood sprang into view, erect and solid as a great stone tower. Rey's mind stuttered to halt at the impossibility of _that_ fitting inside her.

Cheekily kicking off his shoes, Ben added them to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor, obviously enjoying her open stare.

Suddenly, Rey realized they were both naked, both trusting.

Contrasting mirror images, openly drinking in the appearance of the other.

She stepped forward, taking his hand in hers, gazing into his dark, hazy eyes, and allowing all the excitement, apprehension, and tenderness she felt for him, broadcast directly through the Force. It wasn't really intentional; she just couldn't find words to express the thrill of energy pounding through her. Rey even thought he might be offended.

So when Ben's answering flood of emotions slammed into her, Rey was completely overcome by it. A furious stream of passion, tender care and fear swirled around them, a living bubble of energy, and their more than willing hosts responded wholeheartedly to the prompting. They grasped onto each other, lips colliding, limbs entwining, hands exploring naked skin. Rey leaped up as Ben grasped her thighs, pulling her lean legs around his hips and walking forward into the shower.

Combing unruly black hair out of her way, Rey rained kiss down on his face like water, making him grin as he settled her posterior against the far wall. The liquid was pouring on his back and with the support of the wall, Rey could hold herself up, allowing Ben to discover her body with his hands.

He brought a hand up to her cheek while the other settled at her waist, leaning in with somewhat more gentle exploration as his exuberance calmed. She stroked a hand over his muscular arm whilst the other tangled in his hair, their lips flowing smoothly together.

Then he broke away to suckle at her jaw, one hand pushing her chin up to get better access to the area that had so entranced him earlier. He nibbled and kissed with relish until, finally, a small whimper escaped her. The sound was foreign and provocative to her ears. And Ben excitedly sucked again, gently, at the same spot, turning her whimper into a groan. Her head pitched back and her chest arched up into his. Distantly, she heard his breath catch at her reaction.

Rey had spent her whole life starving yet never had she known such all-consuming hunger.

Now she was impatient to bring the same pleasure to him as he brought to her, so she lunged forward to catch his earlobe between her teeth, pressing their wet bodies together, breathing in the scent of his hair. Then Rey lightly grazed the sensitive cartilage with her tongue, from base to tip, and had the satisfaction of hearing his breath catch again, before he shifted suddenly, seeming desperate, and clutched her face for a fervent kiss while his other hand came up to fondle her breasts. He let go of her face and used both hands to knead and torment her delicate flesh. Breaking away from the kiss with a desperate gasp, Rey writhed, trying not to make noise as Ben's hands wandered over untouched skin, down over her abdomen, and further, to that secret place between her legs. She clutched at his neck while long fingers ghosted over her swollen flesh and roamed through the soft hair of her sex.

Ben shifted her higher, supporting her with a forearm under her rear, and began investigating her quivering entrance. Clever fingers dipped in-between her sodden folds, the novel sensations leaving her gasping and incognizant. Eventually, one tentatively pressed at her virgin core.

Rey blanched. If one finger felt big, how could she possibly manage _him_?

Ben watched her face, shallowly moving the digit in and out, until her expression relaxed somewhat. Then he leisurely dragged the same finger up, out and over a spot that caused her whole body to shudder, a strangled moan tumbling from her mouth as she bit down on her lip.

"Rey…" He mumbled, groaning softly, pleading. And she could feel something much larger begging entrance at her center. She sat up straighter, he moved forward, hands back to her thighs, pressing her into the wall again.

The unexpectedly velvety skin of his head nudged at her entrance as he guided himself into alignment. But then he lingered there, the tip poised, intimate parts touching but not joined, and he gazed into her eyes for an endless moment. Rey appreciated the consideration he gave her even while his eyes were clouded over with desire.

She craned her head up slightly and Ben knew exactly what she wanted. He bent forward, touching their foreheads together, resolution solidifying between them.

And then he slid inside her.

A whimpering moan struggled from Ben's throat as Rey arched into him, gasping, scrambling from sensory overload and adjusting to his size. He filled her. Sheathed himself inside her with the ease of a much more proficient lover. Clutching at her thighs, Ben pulled out slightly and then rolled his hips back into her. Inexperienced and overwhelmed, the two lovers cried out in pleasure at even the most insubstantial movement.

At this point, Rey couldn't hold still any longer. She grabbed onto his shoulders and rotated her hips up into his, dying to feel all of him inside her again. That extracted a tormented groan from his open mouth and prompted his hands, already clenched tightly at her thighs, to start tugging her hips forward to meet his in a series of erratic, heaving thrusts.

Rey gave a startled cry and held on tight as Ben unraveled in her arms.

She watched in fascination as his body contorted, a pained expression taking over his face and powerful waves wracked through his body. She could feel pulsing all along his shaft as he exploded inside her, shuddering and whimpering in what seemed like agony.

Finally, the tremors receded and he crumpled down around her. Head falling on her shoulder, his panting breath ghosted over her breasts. Somewhat uncertain, Rey laid a hand on the back of his neck and slowly stroked at the hair and skin there, waiting for him to recover.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I… I'm sorry." He stuttered into her neck.

She looked down confused but the mop of dark hair hid his expression from her. "What are you sorry for?"

"I couldn't, couldn't… control myself." His drained voice came out muffled as he burrowed his face into her shoulder.

"Isn't that the point of love making? To lose control?" Her lips pulled up in an amused smile. The image of him convulsing sprung up fresh in her mind and led to a powerful shudder as desire blazed hot trails through her body. "I'm glad you let go."

"But you didn't…" his hand came up to gesture vaguely and she slipped a little, causing his now soft manhood to slid out. Ben groaned quietly, eyes pinched shut as he set her on her rather shaky legs.

"I didn't help you," He elaborated in utter dejection, finally meeting her eye as they straightened. "I finished too fast."

Cool hands ran over his chest and neck consolingly, "I don't care." She said before coyly biting her lip. "Seeing you like that was…" A timely shiver spoke what her voice could not. And Ben's expression lightened somewhat.

"I'll make it up to you." He promised fervently, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"No need." She responded smiling. "There's always next time, right?"

Face impassive, Ben stilled his ministrations. Instead of responding, he leaned down deliberately, eyes smoldering like the last ember of a dying flame.

"How about now?" He asked lowly and Rey's heart rate spiked.

* * *

AN: First time writing a sex scene and I feel like it shows! But let me know what you guys think :) Too much? Too little? I'm always ready for some constructive criticism.


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